17 Months

We almost let slip by that last Tuesday was 17 months since our Log In Date. The CCAA also updated their website last week to confirm that the cutoff date was November 7, 2005.

Comparing The Years - June Edition

We got an email from our agency this afternoon that referrals have arrived and covered Log In Dates through 11/7/2005. They received 8 referrals this month, 7 girls and one boy. The CCAA still hasn't updated their website but we are pretty sure that 11/7 is the cutoff as other agencies are reporting it as well. So this means that they did 6 days of referrals again this month. Not the increase that we were hoping for but at least it is not less days. Last month I posted a table comparing the number of days referred last year to the number of days referred this year. There appears to be a trend over the past 8 months although there are a few anomalies here and there, this month being one of them. I do think it is worthwhile though to keep an eye on it in hopes that the upward trend from last year continues into this year. Although based on the number of Log in Dates thought to be in the rest of November I fear we will continue to see a few more small batches. I have created a chart for those that are more visual that paints a pretty interesting picture.

Our Visitors

Still no news on the next batch of referrals, we are hoping that we will hear something at some point this week. The early rumors were that this batch was going to be really big and get through the middle of November. While this would have been great and we would love to see it happen we really never believed it. Early last week there was another rumor floating around that they were going to only get through 2 days of referrals. Then there was another rumor late last week that they were going to get through 6 days which is probably more likely although we hope that they get through at least a couple more days than that. We got some interesting mail this past week in the form of a check from Google for the ads I have up on this site. I put the ads up about a year ago not expecting to earn any significant money. My earnings started out kind of slow but over the past 6 months I have been averaging around $10 a month. We are obviously not going to be able quit our jobs and retire from the advertising but a couple $100 checks a year are a nice little contribution to Grace's college fund. I am actually a bit surprised at the amount of traffic that this site gets. We started this site just as a sort of journal for our friends and family to keep track of our progress with the adoption. But it turns out more than half of the traffic to this site is from people we don't know which is fine with us as we really like following along with other people's adoption websites as well. It does make me a little nervous though that we get so many strangers looking at our website since we have some pretty personal info up here and we plan to post pictures of Grace once we get them. I started tracking all visitors to this site about a year ago just to make sure I wasn't getting any weirdos visiting the site. The tracking software I use allows me to see all kinds of cool info about who is coming to the site. Although I can't see exactly who is coming to the site it gives me a pretty good idea. I can see the city and state where the the computer is that the visitor is coming from. I can see the Internet Service Provider (Comcast, AOL) that the user is using or if the visitor comes to the website from a work computer I can see the company name. I can also tell how the visitor got to our website, if they linked from another website or if they found it through a search engine I can see what they typed it to find it. Maybe it is just the computer geek in me that finds this interesting but I thought you might find some of these statistics interesting as well

This is the main statistics summary screen. Since I started tracking I have had almost 8,500 visits to the website and those visitors viewed my pages over 23,000 times.

I have been averaging about 250 visitors and 1000 page views a month. Although the last two months my traffic really increased because the chart that I created comparing referral trends last year vs. this year got posted on all kinds of other adoption websites and really increased my traffic.

What I find most interesting is where the visitors are coming from. The dots on the map above represent where the last 100 visitors to my site are from. The majority of the traffic comes from the US but I get a significant amount of traffic from Canada, Europe, Australia and even China. The first time I got a visit from China I got a little nervous as I thought it could be the China Center of Adoption Affairs checking up on me but I think it was just a parent in China getting their child who went to my site. Last month our website was posted on an Chinese adoption forum in Denmark. I tried to get on the website to see what they were saying but the website was in Danish so I couldn't read it and figure out how to register. So if you don't know us don't be afraid to leave us a message on our guest book and say hello.

Feeling Patriotic and a Trip to the zoo

Nothing better than a long holiday weekend to keep your mind off the long wait to adopt from China. We had a pretty busy weekend. We traveled down to Maryland to watch Jen's nephew graduate from the Naval Academy in Annapolis. Pretty appropriate place to be on Memorial Day weekend, we are very proud of Ryan as he embarks on a career defending our freedom.

We also took a trip to DC to take in a couple museums and check out the Pandas at the National Zoo. We had a tough time getting any pictures of anything else other than panda butt, although this one came out Ok.

These guys were much more willing to smile for us. It was a fun weekend all around but now we are back and ready for referrals to arrive. There is still not much floating around in the way of rumors. There is still a rumor that this is going to be a big month and they are going to get to the middle of November. We would love this to be true but really don't believe that it is going to happen. Referrals should be arriving late this week or sometime next week so we will post an update when we hear anything.

Waiting

We are still about two weeks away from the next batch or referrals arrival. There are rumors floating around that it is going to be a bigger batch that what we have been seeing. This flies in the face of logic though as November is supposed to be a very big month so we are not getting our hopes up for anything more than 9 or 10 days of Log in Dates which is what they did last year and this year seems to be trending pretty close. Will be interesting to see if the trend continues, although we would love for it to be wrong and refer more than 9 or 10 LIDs. The rumors tend to be funny though, they are usually really optimistic around the middle of the month and then tend to get more accurate as we get closer to when referrals arrive. So we will probably have a better sense of how far they will get by next weekend.

King of Queens

Jen and I recorded the final episode of "King of Queens" last night and finally got around to watching it tonight. For those who do not know this was the finale where they go to China to adopt a baby. Whenever TV shows (especially sitcoms) try to take on adoption they never get it right and this was no exception. We never really watched the show but did catch an episode here and there so we get the gist of it. Now we realize that this is a comedy and it would be pretty boring for them to go through the two year plus wait it takes to adopt from China. So it didn't bother us that it took them two days to complete the paperchase.....It took us four months. It didn't bother us that they got their referral in a week......we have been waiting over 16 months. It didn't bother us that they got a referral for a 4 day old baby......the youngest a baby is at referral is 6 months old. Unfortunately 90% of the population that doesn't know anything about Chinese adoption will see the show and think that it is that easy. What did bother us were some of the stupid comments they made during the show. Carrie says "I've ordered Chinese food before but never a Chinese baby". Then Carrie finds out that she is pregnant and they perpetuate the stupid myth that infertile couples will get pregnant once they adopt and can finally relax. Uggg.....Now I know this does happen but I cannot tell you how many people after learning that we are adopting have told us that we will get pregnant after we adopt. Ummm, we had 6 failed IUIs and 3 failed IVFs, probably not going to happen. There were more stupid comments as well. After Doug finds out that Carrie is pregnant he points to the new Chinese baby and asks "what are we going to do with that one". And then says "I guess we will have two babies with very different shaped eyes". That is just not funny, and kind of racist. Also whenever they said the baby's name, Ming Mei, they would run the laugh track as if her name was a joke, still not sure why that was funny. Now maybe since we are adopting from China we are hyper-sensitive about the subject and again we realize it is a comedy but there are some things that shouldn't be joked about and thrown lightheartedly into a 60 minute sitcom for sweeps week ratings.

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of the Mothers and Mothers-in-waiting out there. We had a pretty low key day today, Jen went out with a friend and I stayed home and did the house/yard work. Mother's day is tough when you are waiting but we are hoping we don't have too much longer to wait. There is a scary new rumor floating around that China may temporarily stop accepting new applications because there is such a backlog of families waiting to adopt. I read somewhere that there are between 25,000 and 30,000 dossiers in China waiting to be matched with children. At the rate they are going now it will take at least 3 years to get through this backlog. So I guess in a sense it would makes sense to hold off on accepting new applications to catch up a little. Rumors like this are rough for people waiting to turn 30 to be eligible or people planning to adopt a second child and keep their children close together in age. At this point though it is only a rumor so we aren't really concerning ourselves too much with it. We also heard tonight that one of the reality shows that Jen and I watch, Survivor, will be filmed in China next season. While I am sure the show won't focus on the culture and history of China, it will be cool to watch a mainstream show filmed there.

CCAA May Update

The CCAA updated their website tonight confirming that November 1st was the cut-off date. See update below. Last Saturday marked 16 months of waiting since our Log In Date. It is tough not to know exactly how much longer we have to wait but Jen and I have been keeping busy lately with spring cleaning and landscaping work around the house to prepare for our summer outdoor activities. This usually means cookouts on the deck and enjoying a couple drinks with friends. With just a little luck this should be our last leisurely summer on the deck. Next summer we want to be chasing Grace around the back yard.

Comparing The Years - May Edition

We got an email from our agency that referrals came in today. They only got three referrals this time for for Log in Dates through October 31st. Rumors are that the CCAA has referred through November 1st, although they have not updated their website yet so we don't know for sure. If this is true it means that they got through 6 days which is definitely better than the 2 they did last month but still is not a lot. They still have to get through 65 more days to get to our Log in Date of January 5, 2006. I posted a chart last month comparing referrals last year to this year that seems to show that the number of Log In Dates referred this year is trending very close to last year. The number of days referred this month is again very close (off by one day). So if the trend continues the number of days referred should increase over the next few months. I updated the chart and added in the next couple batches from last year to project out what things could potentially look like if the trend continues.

DTC Group Get Together

We got together this afternoon with our DTC Group. These are the people from our Adoption Agency who have the same Log In Date as we do so we will be traveling to China together. Some of the couples are going to adopt their second child and brought their little ones to the get together. It gave us a little hope that there really will be a child at the end of this journey. We had a lot of fun and it was great to talk to a group of people in the same situation as we are who really understand what we are going through. The consensus at the get together seemed to be that we will get our referral in November and travel in January. Not much news on the next batch of referrals. There is a chance that they will arrive this week but we also heard that there is a Chinese Holiday this week so the CCAA may be off for part of the week. So next week is probably more likely for referrals arriving.

Quilting

We are closing in on the time of the month when rumors start flying around regarding how far they are going to get with the next batch of referrals. There is nothing out there yet though, we just hoping they get through more that just two days like the last batch. Jen was on vacation last week so she was able to get started on Grace's quilt. I posted a picture below of all of the squares laid out on our dining room table. We got a nice little surprise the last couple days as well. The sun!!! After a week of rain and some snow last Sunday it looks like Spring may have finally arrived in New England. Sunshine and warm weather always helps to lift our spirits.

CCAA April Update

The rumors were true, they did only refer 2 days worth of Log In Dates. The update from the CCAA website is below. The odd thing was our agency got 20 referrals, which is a lot for them since they are a small agency. I went back though all of our emails from them for the past 15 months and the average number of referrals per month that they have received is 8.2. I also read on one of the adoption forums that some other small agencies got more referrals than they usually do. So it is possible that the 25th and the 26th were really heavy days and things will get back to normal next month. We will just have to wait and see. I have a feeling though that we are in for some small batches the next few months. We did get a little surprise in the mail on Wednesday, our USCIS approval. They got the document back to us pretty quickly this time although they got our address wrong. Our agency told us not to worry about it so I guess we will leave it as is. Not much else going on here, were are dealing with the ever extending wait as best we can and just hope that things will stabilize a bit soon. Needless to say, this was a rough week for us and all of the other waiting families.

Comparing The Years

This past Thursday marked 15 months since our Log In date. Referrals didn't arrive last week as we expected. They are expected to arrive early this week but we may be in for some bad news. Rumors are that they only referred 2 days worth of Log In Dates. We haven't heard anything official from our agency or the CCAA but it is looking like it may be true. If it is true we hope it is just an anomaly this month but it will most likely push us out to traveling in 2008. I compiled an interesting table below that starts with the first date that they started referring less than a month, which is when the slowdown in referrals started. I compared the number of days referred last year to this year and interestingly every month except January has very similar number of days referred. It really slowed down on the March 2006 referral date when they only referred 5 days. This corresponds to this next referral batch which may be for only 2 days. This probably is all just coincidental but if last year's pattern continues this year we could be in for a couple months of small batches of referrals.

USCIS Update

We finally got all of our paperwork together for our USCIS approval. That will go out in the mail on Monday. We have heard that approvals for renewals from the Boston office are coming back pretty fast so we expect we will hear something back within a couple weeks. Rumors are that referrals will be coming in early this week and that they may cover up to very early November. Early November would be good but we are just hoping that they get to at least October 31st. This week we also created a new page on this site with all of the books related to adoption and China that we have read. We wrote up a quick review of each book and will be updating with other books as we get through them. You can get to the page by clicking Book Reviews link on the right.

More USCIS stuff

We are making some progress on getting our paperwork together to renew our USCIS approval. We have been dragging our feet a little but we have some time to get the application in so it is no big deal. The first time around we made extra copies of all of our documents so we can just use those to renew, so that should save us some time. Since we are nearing the end of the month referrals should be out soon. We don't expect to hear anything this week, most likely next week or the week after. We are tempering our enthusiasm for this batch as the last 7 days in October have many families logged in so we are hoping they get through at least October 31st. November is rumored to be a big month as well so we are expecting the next 3 - 5 batches to be smaller than normal.

China Ghosts - My Daughter's Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood

China Ghosts - My Daughter's Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood

by Jeff Gammage

In China Ghosts the author tells the story of how he became a father to a daughter from China from three distinct perspectives. The first part, as he and his wife paperchase for their daughter, describes how he was initially very happy living a childless life. He saw no need to give up his freedom and take on the responsibility of a child. But to appease his wife he agrees to adopt a baby girl from China. His perception changes drastically once he receives his referral picture and travels to China to finally meet his daughter. The second perspective is when the author begins to bond with his daughter and finds a part of himself that he didn't know existed. He finds himself a changed man, not just that his life has changed now that he is a father but a profound love that has changed his very soul. The third and probably most interesting part of the book is when the author explores some of his conflicting feelings about his daughter's adoption. He is very grateful for the gift that China has given him but at the same time realized that the adoption of his daughter has caused great pain for his daughter's birth family and ultimately for his daughter who most likely will never have the chance to meet them. Most books about adoption from China are written by women so it was nice to read something from a male point of view for a change. I would definitely recommend reading this book, it is very well written and a pretty easy read.

Wild Swans

Wild Swans

by Jung Chang

In Wild Swans, Chang tells the autobiographical story of three generations of Chinese women, her Grandmother, a warlord's concubine, her mother, a high level communist official and herself and their struggles throughout the 20th century. The story focuses mostly on Chang's family struggle and persecutions throughout the cultural revolution where, prior to, her parents held powerful positions. Through Chairman Mao's policies this powerful family suffered greatly so it is unimaginable how much peasants must have suffered at this time. Through the book the author tries to tow the communist party line but slowly begins to realize that it is her own government that is causing the suffering that she has seen and and has endured. Toward the end of the book, after Mao's death, the government starts to open up a bit and the author leaves China to attend university in England where she she still resides and is currently the director of Chinese studies at London University. This book is not really an easy read but it really gives you a sense of the struggles that even this politically connected family endured during the very recent past. Makes you really feel for what the peasants had to deal with during this time.

River Town

River Town

by Peter Hessler

River town is the story of a Peace Corps volunteer, Peter Hessler, who travels to Fuling China to teach English in a local college. Peter is the first Westerner to live in Fuling in over 50 years. He is met with much curiosity in his travels around town while getting to know the local customs and culture. In time though he is able to immerse himself in the town and becomes good friends with some locals and many of his students. Much of the book centers around his classes and interactions with his students as well as his interactions with locals in Fuling and other cites he travels to during his time off. This book is a pretty easy read, Peter has good writing style and injects quite a bit of humor into some of the uncomfortable situations he gets himself into. One of the more interesting aspects of the book is the difference in Chinese and Western teaching styles. As Peter tries to nurture his students and get them to think for themselves and question common Chinese beliefs his Chinese tutor shows him the Chinese way of teaching by giving him a stern 'Budui' (wrong) whenever he mispronounces a word. It is a great study on many of the differences of Western and Chinese culture. The author has written another book on China called "Oracle Bones" which is on our "To Read" list.

Will The Boat Sink The Water?

Will The Boat Sink The Water?

by Chen Guidi and Wu Chuntao

We bought this book as light reading for our last trip to Jamaica, it wasn't so light. The book is written by two Chinese journalists and has been translated into English, the translation is good but the subject matter is pretty heavy. The book was banned in China but is said to have sold 10 million copies on the black market. The authors travel throughout their home province of Anhui to see how the peasants are fairing through China's recent newfound prosperity. What they find isn't good. The book tells through a series of stories how various peasants feel that they are being treated unjustly mostly due to over taxation and try to go up the local government chain of command to get their issues resolved. They are met with jail time, beatings and even death. To be honest, I did not enjoy reading this book, although I think it does show some of the hardships that Chinese peasants must deal with on a daily basis and shows haw far China has yet to come to become a truly modern society.

The Good Earth

The Good Earth

by Pearl S. Buck

"The Good Earth" tells the story of a peasant farmer and his family living in China in the early 1900s. The story begins as the main character, Wang Lung is about to get married to a servant named O-Lan working for the local landlord. The young married couple are very poor but through hard work they are able to acquire some land and become relatively prosperous. They have a few children and life soon gets difficult when famine hits. The family most go south to find food and work. They find themselves begging and doing menial jobs to just scrape by. The country is embroiled in a revolution at the time as well so Wang must be careful not to get caught and forced to fight in the military. The family gets caught up in an uprising of local peasants who loot a rich family's home. They find coins and jewels and are able to get back home to their land. With their looted coins and jewels they are able to buy more land and eventually buy the house where O-Lan worked as a servant. Toward the end of the story Wang Lung is so prosperous that he no longer has to work his farm and lives the life of a rich man. He takes some concubines which causes problems with his wife and children. It is sad to read throughout the book how O-Lan is treated but I think it is probably pretty realistic to how women were treated at this time. This book was written in the 1930s but we really enjoyed it. It won a Pulitzer prize and recently was rediscovered by many on Oprah's book club. The book was also made into a movie in 1937. Due to the lack of Chinese actors at the time the main characters were cast as Americans but it was still pretty good. The author of the book, Pearl S. Buck grew up in China but went to college in the United States. Interestingly, she founded the first international interracial adoption clinic in the United States. The book was re-released in 1935 as a trilogy called the House of Earth. The two sequels are called Sons and A House Divided. I have yet to read them but they are on my "to read" list.

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

by Richard Ferber, M.D.

I think I first heard about "Ferberizing" a child in the movie "Meet the Fockers" where they sort of exaggerate the methodology with DeNiro's character. The basis of this methodology is to allow the child to teach herself to fall to sleep without the help of the parents. This involves letting the child cry a little longer every night until she can sleep through the night without any intervention of the parents. For us, we will be trying to create attachment and a bond with Grace so the Ferber method is contrary to attachment parenting. We cannot let just let Grace cry as this would not foster her trust in us. With that being said, I think once we feel Grace has formed an attachment we may be able to use some of his approach as we see fit. Some parts of the book are a bit dry when he discusses the stages of sleep. There are some good sections on night terrors (what they are and how to handle them). Overall, I thought the book had some good information. I probably will need to reread sections of the book when we have Grace home and are actually dealing with sleep problems.

Are Those Kids Yours?

Are Those Kids Yours?

by Cheri Register

Apparently, "Are Those Kids Yours" is a question many parents with children adopted from other countries hear when out with their children. The answer of course is a simple "Yes". But that question says a lot about how families created through international adoption are perceived in our society. The book was written by a mother of two children adopted from Korea. In the book she examines the ethical issues surrounding international adoption and the importance of teaching them about the heritage and culture of their birth country. She uses experiences she encountered raising her children to illustrate some of the joys and and challenges families formed through international adoption will face.

The Waiting Child

The Waiting Child

by Cindy Champnella

A friend of Jen's mom sent us this book after learning that we were in the process of adopting from China. This is a really amazing story of a family that adopts a four year old girl named Jaclyn. From the moment Jaclyn learns to communicate with her new family she begins to lobby them to get "her baby". Her Baby was a younger little boy back in her orphanage who she protected and took care of. I won't ruin the ending but will say it is a really sweet story that shows the unbelievable spirit of little Jaclyn.

USCIS Renewal

We got an email from our agency this week with instructions for renewing our USCIS approval. It is pretty much the same process as the first time around only this this time it should be easier as we have all the documents we need, we just need to make copies of them. We are hoping to get it all together and sent out within a week or two. Jen is also getting ready to start working on Grace's 100 good wishes quilt. She went out this weekend and picked up a book on quilting and is trying to decide on the design. Just a reminder if you want to send us a quilt square and haven't yet make sure you get it to us by April 1st.

14 Months

We reached another milestone in our adoption journey last Monday, 14 months since our Log In Date. Referrals came in on Monday as well. Our agency received six referrals, the CCAA also updated their website that they have matched families with Log in Dates up to October 24th. We are slowly creeping closer to our referral. Based on current projections it is still looking like we may get our referral by the end of the summer. Although November is suspected to have a bit more Log in Dates than the past few months so it may take longer to get through, which would push our referral into the fall. That means we could be traveling to China around the holidays, Christmas in China sounds good to us. Update from the CCAA website is below:

Paradise

Back to reality today. We spent the past week at the Sunset at the Palms resort in Negril, Jamaica. This is the same resort we went to last winter and we had such a good time we had to go back. Since we were return guests management went out of their way to make us happy. One night they left a bottle of Champagne in our room and on our last night there we were invited to a special dinner with management and two other couples who were return visitors as well. One thing we like about the resort is it isn't really child friendly, so there really aren't a bunch of kids running around screaming and splashing in the water. Not that we don't like kids we just wanted some quiet time for a romantic vacation. One thing we decided before we left was that we weren't going to discuss our pending adoption with other people at the resort. Since this vacation was about us we didn't want to spend our time educating people about Chinese adoption, also you never know what people may say that we might find offensive so we decided we would just not mention it to anyone. This was a little difficult as we hung out a bit with another really nice couple who mentioned in passing that they had friends who were in the process of adopting from China but we kept our mouths shut. We spent most of the time on the beach, at the pool or stuffing our faces with food. We took one trip off the resort to go shopping and to Rick's Cafe where people jump off a huge cliff into the water. Neither Jen nor I took the plunge. Another highlight of the trip was our visit to the Office of Nature (or as Jen decided to rename it The Ministry of Magic). This was just a bunch of local Rastafarians who set up on the beach and sell crafts and will catch fresh lobster and grill them up for you on a sea wood grill. The lobster was so good. Was nice to get out of the resort and hang out with and have a beer with some of the locals. Some pics of our excursions are below.....

Checking out for a little while to recharge the batteries.......

Quilting last call

Not much new with the adoption this week. The middle of the month is usually quiet as far as rumors about the next batch so we just patiently wait. Jen is getting ready to start working on the 100 Good Wished Quilt for Grace. So if anyone hasn't yet sent us a square and wish get it to us before April 1st. You can get the details about the Quilt on the link on the right. If there is anyone who reads this website and wants to swap quilt squares just post your email address to our guest book and we will get in touch for contact info.

CCAA February Update

Referrals arrived last Thursday, they covered families with Log In Dates up to October 13th. This means that they did Sixteen days worth of Log In Dates which is good. There was week in this batch where there were no Log In Dates because the CCAA was on vacation for the Moon Festival. But there was also a day with more than normal Log In Dates so It looks like it pretty much balances out. The big question this month is when referrals will come out. Chinese New Year is February 18th and the CCAA will be on vacation for two weeks. So that means they either have to get the next batch out really quick or wait until after the holiday which may push things back a little. This week (Monday) we are celebrating 13 months since our Log in Date. Not really doing anything to celebrate, just nice to reach another milestone. The people that just got their referrals last week waited about 16 months. This makes it seem like we are getting close but an additional month gets tacked on every two months so we think our wait will end up being 18 months, give or take a month. The CCAA website update is below:

Our new Godson

Jen and I added a new nephew / godson this past week. My sister gave birth to little Jim early Wednesday morning. He arrived a little bit earlier than expected but Melinda, Jim and little Jim are doing well.

Happy Mom and Dad

Little Jim

Re-Fingerprinting

We went down to the Boston USCIS office this past Saturday to get re-fingerprinted. It was a pretty painless process, we were in and out of there in about a half hour. It is getting toward the end of the month now so we should start hearing some rumors about the next batch of referrals. Things have been pretty quiet so far though. They need to get through the last three days in September and since the CCAA was on vacation Oct 1st through 7th there are no families with Log In Dates during that time, so they should at least get through Oct 7th. The rest of October is rumored to be huge. So this means it could take three or four months to get through October. The good news is once they are into October there are only three full months of Log In Dates to get to us.

Playing Dress Up

Sometimes it seems like all of our free time is spent thinking about the adoption. This past weekend we took some time away and attended my company's holiday party. The company I work for has an office in New England and another one in New Jersey. The holiday party is a time for both offices to get together, it is usually held somewhere in between the two offices. This year to make things interesting they decided to make it a costume party with a TV and movies theme. For your viewing pleasure, Jen and I went as Trinity and Neo from The Matrix.

More Paula Zahn

If you didn't see or read the transcript of last Friday's Paula Zahn Now show on the new restrictions on Chinese adoptions I found a video on YouTube of the show that you can view by clicking here. On Monday we heard that they were doing a follow up. As much as we hated to, we had to watch. They started out the show by saying they had received thousands of letters from adoptive parents and actually read from a couple of them. Unfortunately Jen's letter did not make it on the air. They had two of the same panelists on as the Friday show who pretty much just spouted out the same drivel. One of them , Cenk Uygur, sort of backed off a little and said that he was overbroad in saying that race was the sole factor for adoptive parents. The other guy Roland Martin pretty much said the same thing as Friday and didn't really seem to understand that many people adopt internationally because they don't want to risk adopting domestically and then having to give the child back because the birthmother decides to parent. To balance the two of them out they also had on David Youtz, the president of Families with Children from China of greater New York.. He did a really good job by simply explaining that Chinese adoption process is so popular because it is a clear and dependable process. He finished by saying it is really just about creating families, which, to Jen and I, is really what we are striving for. After listening to him speak, Jen and I sent out our membership form to join Families With Children from China of New England. This is something we have been taking about becoming a member of for a while so it was a good reminder for us to apply to be a member. After watching the show I think the consensus in the Chinese adoption community was that Monday's show, while better than Friday's show, still didn't do us any good and we would prefer that the media outlets just leave us alone. The risk here is that increased bad press in the US toward Chinese adoption could cause China to look unfavorably on us and shut down adoptions to Americans completely. We were a little surprised when we heard today that Paula Zahn was again presenting a segment on Chinese Adoption. This time the spin was: She’s a proud parent now, but if she wanted to do it again, she couldn’t. Will strict overseas adoption standards rule you out too? They interviewed a single parent who has adopted two children from China and now because she is single she would not be allowed to adopt another. She said she was just so thankful for the precious children that China had given her. I think CNN was hoping she would bad-mouth the Chinese government. They also showed some parents at the American Consulate in China at their swearing in ceremony. Jen and I took note of what that room looks like hoping that we will be there really soon.

This week we also got our appointment letters in the mail to go to the USCIS to get re-fingerprinted, unfortunately we are busy this weekend so we will probably be going to get them done next Saturday.

Paula Zahn

It seems like every couple months the media comes out with a new story that gets the Chinese Adoption community in an uproar. Usually the uproar is caused by ignorance on the part of the media, or by just trying to sensationalize a story. The media seems to really have picked up lately on the new restrictions for Chinese adoptions and on Friday night CNN's Paula Zahn Now had a panel on to discuss the new restrictions. It started innocently enough with a simple statement of the new regulations. From there it got ugly, real ugly. Jen and I didn't actually see the show live but we have a transcript which I have posted a link to here. You will need to scroll about 2/3rds of the way down to find the part where they discuss Chinese adoptions. The people on the show were obviously not experts in adoption, or China so they really came across as ignorant and even racist with some of the comments that were made. One of the panelists is a Muslim talk show host, another is a Law professor and there was also an editor of a newspaper. I think these people were brought on to primarily discuss some of the other issue of the show, it is just too bad that they didn't have anyone on to debate that had knowledge of the Chinese adoption process. Just since 2001 over 30,000 families in the United States have adopted children from China. It is easy to understand that the Chinese adoption community has a pretty powerful lobby. The show aired on Friday night, on Saturday morning the transcripts were posted all over the Chinese Adoption message boards. By Saturday night contact information and email addresses were posted for executives at CNN and the advertisers on the Paula Zahn show and a letter writing campaign was organized. So while I was watching the Patriots beat the Jets this afternoon Jen put her English degree to work and wrote the below letter and sent it to CNN:


To: CNN
Re: Paula Zahn Now Broadcast 1-5-07

I am very distressed over the information presented on Friday night’s Paula Zahn Now. My husband and I have been waiting for a year to be matched with a baby girl from China. The panelists on Paula Zahn’s show did a disservice to all families with children from China as well as to the greater population of people who are unfamiliar with China’s adoption program. Some information was misrepresented and biased to sensationalize adoptions from China. The panelists had their own agendas and belief systems that they wanted to be conveyed to CNN’s audience. However, the primary individuals who the topics centered on—families with children from China and their advocates—were blatantly absent.

Ms. Zahn’s opening with the loaded question “So how would you feel if someone told you you couldn't adopt a baby because you're not thin enough, not rich enough, nor attractive enough?” is intended to hook the audience with thoughts of discrimination and immediate outrage. Yet, China’s guidelines set minimum requirements for prospective adoptive parents. China wants their children to go to homes with parents who earn at least $30,000 a year, which is $15,000 per parent. In my state of Massachusetts, the minimum wage is $7.50/hr (www.dol.gov/esa/minwage/america.htm#Massachusetts) which means that two parents making minimum wage could pursue an adoption from China. China is looking for parents who have at least $80,000 in net worth. This means the worth of homes (even with a mortgage), cars, possessions, 401k funds, and not just monetary savings in a bank.

These are just two examples of the minimums the guidelines represent. Health professionals consider the BMI of 40 morbidly obese. A person’s weight, by no means, reflects the amount of love and nurturing a parent can provided. Yet, with a high BMI come the associated risks of other life threatening illnesses. The children adopted from China have already lost a family and China wants their children to be placed in their forever homes without the added risk of losing a parent due to secondary diseases such as heart disease and diabetes. A high BMI may be an indicator of these potentially life-threatening conditions. No one know for sure whether a person with a BMI of 40 will suffer these life threatening conditions, however, the chances are increased. The Center for Disease Control has information regarding BMI and its usefulness at their website www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/adult_BMI/about_adult_BMI.htm. Also, a BMI is not the sole indicator of a person’s health required by China. Adoptive parents must meet with their physician to have a physical to ascertain their ability to be a healthy parent not to determine their ability to parent.

Furthermore, the general public must understand that we are dealing with a different country that has its own culture, which is very different from our own. Certain illnesses, deformities and conditions may limit one’s quality of life in China but that is not the case in the US or other countries. Therefore, the guidelines regarding those issues are coming from China’s frame of reference, not our own.

In regard to the panelists’ views on Paula Zahn’s show, they are biased toward their own agenda. I was horrified at the reference to “Mommy Dearest” which stereotypes adoptive parents as ones who will abuse their children. That was one movie about one mother’s abuse toward her adopted children. This comment by Sondra Solovay was just one throwaway comment made by many Friday evening. The panelists trivialized and sensationalized the plight of the adoptive family. Roland Martin makes a “porcelain doll” comment which is the exact type of comment that makes the skin crawl of most adoptive families. This dehumanizes and objectifies the child and comments like that perpetuate these stereotypes.

I can speak on behalf of my husband and perhaps the other thousands of prospective parents seeking adoptions from China. We did not choose China over other countries, including our own, based on race, religion or stereotypes. We chose China because of their fair and clear-cut process. We chose China because their infants are healthier on average than other countries not because they are healthier than those in the US, as opined by Solangel Maldonado. Most importantly, we chose China because a birth parent could not reclaim the child from us. On a personal note, although I do think many other parents with children from China can attest to this, we have suffered greatly in our pursuit of parenthood. I do not need to give my personal history here, however, I will say that I am 31 years old and my husband and I have been striving towards building a family for the past four of our five years of marriage. It is not that we wouldn’t welcome an American baby into our home as our precious child, rather, it is because we could not bear the thought of loving a child and then have that child taken from us because the birthmother or birthfather decided to parent that child. The rights of the birthparents come first in the US and we accept that as the policy set forth by our country to ensure what they believe is in the best interest of that child. China also has the right to decide what is in the best interest of their birth children.

CNN has lost its credibility as a news source. The information presented was skewed against people who adopt from China and our reasons for doing so. Many suppositions were made about adoptive families yet no representative was able to counter on our behalf. Frankly, I thought CNN would do a better job of having a fair and equitable panel of specialists. The panelists were outraged at said discriminatory practices of China and parents of children from China, however, they were the ones spouting off biased presumptions, stereotypes and prejudices. It also saddens me that I have to defend my choice of how I want to build my family when others take such a precious gift for granted. They have no idea what it is like to be in my shoes yet are so quick to judge and discriminate.

Sincerely,
JK

One Year

Couple new news items this past week related to our adoption. Friday was our 1 year Log In Date Anniversary. This means that it has been a year since China received our application to adopt. When we started this process this was not an anniversary that we thought/hoped that we would make it to. But we are here and it is one step closer to bringing Grace home. I would hope that we are at least half way to that point but only time will tell.

Referrals came in last week as well, our agency received 8 referrals including a set of twins. The CCAA website was updated that they have finished placement of children for families registered before September 27, 2005. That is 19 days of Log In Dates which on the surface looks like a bit of a speed up. But based on the numbers from polls taken on some of the rumor sites this amounts to quite a drop in the number of referrals sent out. Those same polls show October and November to both have more Log in Dates than September so it is expected to take more than just 4 months to get through those two months. The update from the CCAA website is below.

Happy New Year

Happy 2007!!!! We celebrated the New Year out for dinner with some friends and then watched the ball drop back at our place. This seems to have been our tradition for the past few years. We had a good time, good food and good friends. It is hard to believe that we started the adoption process in 2005 and it is now 2007. We are now in our third calendar year of this process. I wish we could say for sure that 2007 will be the year that we bring Grace home. We think this will most likely be the year but just not a sure thing. We expected referrals to come in this past week but we haven't heard anything, hopefully they will be in this week. Not really any rumors floating around regarding how far they are going to go through, hopefully that will get through most of September. I archived the 2006 news on this page into the the link below called 2006 News so that the page will load faster. Grace received a few more Christmas gifts this past week from the NDA girls.

Christmas and CCAA stuff

Jen and I are both on vacation this week, we were hoping to go on a little skiing trip but there isn't any snow anywhere in New England. So we are just taking the time to relax. We did send a letter out to the USCIS today as our fingerprints are about to expire and we will need to be re-printed. Hopefully we will hear from them within the next few weeks so we can get that taken care of. We had a nice quiet Christmas, spent time with family, pretty low key. Grace got a few presents as well. Grammy and Grandpa got her a snowsuit. Uncle Stephen, Aunt Maura and the girls got her an Asian Cabbage Patch Newborn. And Grandma King got her a piggy bank.



I found something really cool this morning as well, Love Without Boundaries has some pictures of the CCAA's new building. One of the pictures is of a shelf of all of the waiting dossiers. We assume that our dossier is on that shelf somewhere. This is about as close as we are going to get to getting an ultrasound pic. I have been wanting to make a donation to this organization and a note on the page asks for a donation if you use the pics. They do some great work in China so we made a donation and here is the pic.

New CCAA Rules

A few weeks ago the Chinese adoption community was buzzing about a meeting that the China Center of Adoption Affairs had regarding new rules for adoptive parents. The reported details of the meeting were that as of May 1st 2007 China will no longer accept applications to place children with parents who:

• Are Single
• Have been married less than 2 years
• Have a BMI over 40
• Are under 30 or over 50
• Have been divorced more than 2 times
• Have been treated for infectious disease, depression or anxiety
• Have net assets under $80,000
• Do not have at least a high school education
• And a few other random things

Fortunately Jen and I would not be affected by any of the new restrictions and since we have already sent our application to China it is expected that we would be grandfathered in even if we fell into the above restrictions. There are a lot of people though that were hoping to adopt in the coming year and will no longer be able to because of the new rules. Also many couples who have already adopted once from China will now not be able to go back to adopt a mei mei (little sister). The odd thing is that the CCAA has not officially released a statement about these new restrictions. Because nothing official has been released and some of the restrictions are open to interpretation there seems to be some confusion regarding some of the restrictions. Some agencies are posting/reporting the restrictions as fact but the details are being interpreted differently by each agency. We haven't heard anything from our agency about the new rules, which is good. I think they are waiting until something official comes out rather than speculate. This week the media picked up on the new restrictions and there were articles in most of the major papers including this one in the Boston Globe. Hopefully something official will be released soon so we all know for sure what these new restrictions will be.
The next batch of referrals should be coming out soon as well. There were rumors that they would be here before Christmas, another rumor that they would be here after Christmas and yet another rumor that they will not be here until next year. One of the rumors has to be right but s usual nobody has any idea when.

Jen finished up her Christmas shopping a few weeks ago and I as usual haven't started yet. We are planning a low key Christmas this year, we didn't decorate the house or put up a tree. We are just planning to visit with family and save the big celebrations for when we have Grace home. Jen and I did buy each other a special gift for Christmas though, we have a vacation in Jamaica to look forward to in February.

11 Month as Christmas Cards

We were hoping this would finally be the year where we could send out Christmas cards with a family picture including Grace. Instead we have to settle for this:

We usually keep the door to the nursery closed so when Lucy gets a chance to go in there she has to investigate everything. I guess she decided that the changing table was for her. Today is also kind of a milestone for us as it is 11 months since our Log in Date. Sometimes it feels like the past 11 months has flown by which gives us some hope that the remaining months will go by just as fast.

CCAA December Update

The China Center for Adoption Affairs website was updated late last week that they have finished placement of children with families have log in dates up to September 8, 2006. That is fourteen days worth of Log in Dates which seems to be about the average they have been referring the past few months. Based on an current average of about 15 days of LIDs referred per month, this would put us at getting our referral sometime this summer. But we really hate to set our expectations based on current averages because as we have seen so much can change month to month. For anyone who happened to see Jen's parent's 50th Anniversary announcement in the Lowell Sun this weekend, it was a misprint that we recently adopted Grace. It was supposed to read that we are waiting to adopt Grace.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving, we spent the Holiday with family. It was an unseasonably warm weekend here and we used the time to get some much needed yard cleanup done. I know I haven't updated this site in a while but there really hasn't been a whole lot going on related to the adoption. Rumors are starting to pick up that the next batch of referrals should be coming in this week. There is also another rumor floating around that I refuse to repeat that would be really positive news but we don't want to get our hopes up only to be disappointed.

CCAA November Update

We got some more good news yesterday. The CCAA website was updated that they have finished review of dossiers logged in before January 31, 2006. This means someone in China has finally looked at our dossier and deemed us OK to adopt. We have heard that sometimes they have questions about a medical issue, income, or criminal history and may ask for additional information or even reject you. I can't imagine waiting all this time to get rejected. We weren't really concerned that they would find anything but it is still a relief to have made it through and to check something off our list. Here's the update:

Some Progress

The last couple week have been kind of rough for us and all of the rest of the waiting families in the world of Chinese Adoption. Even though we are months away from getting a referral we are always anxious each month to see how far they have gotten as it gives is a sense of getting a little closer to Grace. We were expecting the October batch of referrals to arrive a few weeks ago and have been stalking the CCAA website for an update. The rumors have been all over the place regarding how many days this batch was going to cover, these rumor sites can really drive you mad, but is so hard not to look at the rumors. On Tuesday our agency sent out their monthly email that usually says that they have received referrals, but this time it said that they had not received them yet, and they didn't know when they would be coming or how many Log In Dates would be included. So after that email we were feeling pretty down. This morning though things got a little brighter, the CCAA website was updated and it says that they have finished placement of children with families registered before August 25, 2005. This is 16 days worth of referral which is two less days than last month but it is actually good news because August 24th had many, many families logged in so this was a little bit of a speed up. Still not sure why referrals were so late arriving but our agency tells us this is pretty normal, there is a chance that the next batch could arrive before the end of November so it is not really like they skipped the October batch. Still no update regarding January making it out of the review room though, probably will need to wait until the end of this month to check that off our list. We also found out this week that our Home Study Update is complete and has been received by our agency. Our next step is getting our fingerprints and USCIS background checks redone, although we don't have to start that process until January 2007.

Homestudy Update and Other Stuff

This past week we sent out all of our documents for our homestudy update. In a couple weeks we should get our updated homestudy back from our social worker that we will need to bring with us to China. Referrals should be coming this week, rumors are that they will cover through the August 23rd. This would be 13 days of referrals which is less than last month but not really surprising as the 24th is understood to have many families logged in on this day. I think we have resigned ourselves that a speed up is not going to happen. Today Jen went out for lunch in Boston at PF Changs with some of the women from our DTC group. They had a little baby shower for each other and had some good food. Jen came home raving about the food and I was a little jealous so we are going to have to take a trip there after work sometime soon. While Jen was out shopping for a baby shower present she saw this:


She just had to get it for Gracie. I didn't even realize that they still made them. I always thought these dolls were kind of ugly but Jen loved hers and still has it I think so I am sure Gracie will love it as well.

Full Weekend

Jen and I are a bit tired tonight, we had a crash course in childcare this weekend. Jen's brother and his wife planned a night away so we took their three girls (ages 2, 5 and 9) for the weekend. The kids were really well behaved but it was quite a shock for us to go from no kids to 3. We started our weekend with them yesterday around noon when the kids were dropped off. We took off to a local farm to check out the animals and go for a hayride. Interestingly, while we were there we saw four FCCs, this is Jen and my codeword for when we see a family with children from China (we usually stare at them and sometimes follow them around but never get up the nerve to say hello). We picked up some pumpkins for the kids and then it was time to head over to church. Church was interesting. There was an elderly gentleman behind us who kept making random comments and I guess assumed we were a family because as we were leaving he told me I must really have my hands full with four women in my life. I didn't really feel like explaining to him that we weren't their parents so I just kind of laughed uncomfortably and left. I guess it is a pretty easy mistake to make as the kids do look a bit like Jen. But his comment got me thinking about how our family will be perceived once we get Grace home. Because we were all the same race and looked alike the guy assumed we were a family. But I think most people wouldn't even think twice or comment about it. Grace will not look like either of us, we are going to have to get used to people looking at our family and wondering what our deal is, asking questions and making comments. Some of these comments I am sure we will perceive as rude. The church experience made it really hit home that we will probably never be able to blend in as most families do. Not that it is necessarily a bad thing just something we will need to be prepared for and get used to. After Church we picked up some Chinese food and watched Herbie Fully Loaded on DVD. We put the kids to bed around 9:30 and we crashed pretty soon after. The youngest woke up a few times crying probably because she didn't know where she was. I woke up every time, I think Jen slept right through, a sign of things to come? They woke up around 7 and Jen went down to put Nickelodeon on TV for them, I went out to get donuts. After breakfast I needed to entertain them while Jen got ready. We played a game they called "Get scared by Uncle Steve". Since we don't have kids we don't have any masks, toys or props but I improvised with blankets and what I could find, you can make a pretty scary monster with a laundry basket and an old sheet. They left this afternoon and we crashed and watched the Patriots game. It was a fun weekend for us, our cat Lucy, on the other hand, was not impressed. She spent most of her time in the basement and would just meow when she saw me as if to say, "get them out of here". There was a little incident this morning as well where she bit one of the kids, no damage, blood or tears so all was well. I think it was good for her though, she is going to have to get used having a little one around eventually.

9 Months

Today marks 9 months since our dossier was logged in at the China Center for Adoption Affairs. As tough as it the wait has been, what makes it so much more difficult is that we have no idea how much longer the wait will be. When our friends and family ask us how much longer, all we can say is "we don't know". Realistically I think we probably have another year to wait. I hope I am wrong but we just can't get our hopes up that things are going to speed up only to be disappointed when they don't. Along with the longer wait comes the expiration of some of our forms. We finished our home study last November and it is only valid for one year so we need to get that updated. I think all that means is a visit by our social worker to ensure that nothing has changed in our lives, have our criminal background checks redone and pay a fee. We will probably be calling to get that process started next week. Hopefully we don't need to have all of our forms redone and notarized as well.

CCAA September Update

The China Center of Adoption Affairs (CCAA) updated their website last night that they have finished placement of children with families registered before August 9th. That is 18 days worth of referrals which is twice as much as they did last month. Although, most of the rumor sites are saying that the beginning of August had very few registered log in dates so this may not be a sign that things are speeding up. They still have to get through 5 months of Log in Dates to get to us but it is significant progress so we are excited. Haven't heard anything from our agency yet whether they received any referrals this month but we should hear from them within the next couple days. The other part of the CCAA website update says that they have finished reviewing applications registered in December 2005. Since we were registered in January they should be reviewing our application now. Kind of odd to think that someone in China could be looking at our application as I write this.

Bathroom Remodel

We finally got around to taking some pics of our bathroom remodel.....

Before

After

We are pretty happy with the way it come out. It was definitely in need of an upgrade from the bad 80s decor. Jen is trying to talk me into buying an LCD screen to mount on the wall so she can watch Oprah and have a bath. I guess Gracie could also use it to watch cartoons while she is taking a tubbie. We'll see. Not a whole lot of rumors on this month's upcoming batch of referrals. We are not sure what to expect based on last month's small batch. But still hopeful that things will start speeding up. We should know for sure late this week or early next week.

Football

We took off this past weekend to visit Jen's family and take in some college football. The home team won and the weather was great so everyone was happy. I feel like it wouldn't be appropriate not to say something today on the 5 year anniversary of September 11th. We always feel pretty patriotic when we are down in the Washington area but to see all of these brave young men and women preparing to stand up and defend our country really humbles me. All I can really say is Thank You..
Nothing really going on in adoption news, Jen and I did finish up our Hepatitis vaccinations last week, so I guess that is one less thing we have to worry about. Our bathroom remodel is finally finished as well. We just need to touch up some paint and hang a couple things on the walls and we are back to normal.

8 Months

Tomorrow marks 8 months since our Log In Date. Some days is seems like the time has gone by pretty fast and some days it feels like we have been waiting forever. It has definitely been like a roller coaster ride. I spend a lot of time reading other waiting families' websites and blogs as it is nice to get some perspective from people that are in the same boat as we are. Have noticed recently that morale seems to be pretty low with many waiting families. The common theme seems to be that we just have no idea how long the wait is going to be. A few families just can't deal with it and are switching to domestic adoption or other countries. This is not something Jen and I have ever considered, we wish we knew how long the wait is going to be but we don't and we know our daughter is in China. We attended a wedding this past weekend for saw many of my family members who excitedly asked us if there was anything new with the adoption. It was tough to have to say again and again, no, nothing, no idea when we will know. It is nice to see people genuinely excited for us but at the same time it is difficult to tell people that we have no idea when Grace will be coming home. To give us just a nibble of good news the China Center of Adoption Affairs updated their website last week that they have finished review of adoption applications registered in their office before November 30th 2005. So this means that they are now working on December and since we are logged in January we should be next. I read somewhere that they actually work on two months at a time so they could actually be reviewing out application now. From what I understand the review process is just to make sure all of your documents are in order and you meet all of the requirements. Sometimes people will get a call requesting additional information, we have our fingers crossed that we will make it through OK. I think we will breathe a little easier when the website reads that they have finished reviewing applications registered in January. See the latest screen shot below.

August Referrals

This month's batch of referrals arrived at our agency yesterday, they had only 4 referrals in this batch with log in dates of July 14th 2005. We have heard that this batch had referrals up to July 22nd but our agency didn't have any LIDs between the 15th and the 22nd. Unfortunately this is only 9 days worth of referrals. Last month they did 15 days which was a few more days than the previous month so it looked like the trend was to refer a couple more days each month. Now we are not sure what to think, probably just a coincidence that they were referring more days each month. The pattern of the referrals coming in was a little different this month as well. Usually around mid month rumors start flying around, some good, some bad, and by the end of the month someone in the know will leak how many days will be referred for the month, then referrals arrive a few days later. This month there weren't really any rumors except that referrals would be coming out next week or early September and then on Thursday people started reporting that they were getting referrals. Not sure what to make of this, maybe the Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs is getting a little more strict with the information that they release. Probably a good thing as these rumors can drive a person crazy. We have heard that August is a light month so as long as they can get through the rest of July next month August should go pretty fast, we hope.

Jen starts back up at school next week, when we started the adoption process we were thinking that we would probably have the baby by now and she would take some time off, now it looks like she will most likely be working the full school year based on how referrals have slowed down. I guess this just means that we can take our 5th last childless vacation this winter. Something to look forward to. We are still not completely done with out bathroom remodel. The tub and toilet are installed but still no sink. At least we have a partially functioning bathroom now. The sink should be installed next week. We also realized that we need to get the electrician back in to move a light fixture. We bought a new medicine cabinet/mirror and it is shaped a little differently from our old one. I can only see half of my face when I look into it and I am not very tall. So we need to move it up about 6 inches but there is a light fixture above it so we need to get that moved first. We did take the new whirlpool tub for a test-drive this week, very relaxing, definitely a good investment.