Wild Swans

Wild Swans

by Jung Chang

In Wild Swans, Chang tells the autobiographical story of three generations of Chinese women, her Grandmother, a warlord's concubine, her mother, a high level communist official and herself and their struggles throughout the 20th century. The story focuses mostly on Chang's family struggle and persecutions throughout the cultural revolution where, prior to, her parents held powerful positions. Through Chairman Mao's policies this powerful family suffered greatly so it is unimaginable how much peasants must have suffered at this time. Through the book the author tries to tow the communist party line but slowly begins to realize that it is her own government that is causing the suffering that she has seen and and has endured. Toward the end of the book, after Mao's death, the government starts to open up a bit and the author leaves China to attend university in England where she she still resides and is currently the director of Chinese studies at London University. This book is not really an easy read but it really gives you a sense of the struggles that even this politically connected family endured during the very recent past. Makes you really feel for what the peasants had to deal with during this time.

River Town

River Town

by Peter Hessler

River town is the story of a Peace Corps volunteer, Peter Hessler, who travels to Fuling China to teach English in a local college. Peter is the first Westerner to live in Fuling in over 50 years. He is met with much curiosity in his travels around town while getting to know the local customs and culture. In time though he is able to immerse himself in the town and becomes good friends with some locals and many of his students. Much of the book centers around his classes and interactions with his students as well as his interactions with locals in Fuling and other cites he travels to during his time off. This book is a pretty easy read, Peter has good writing style and injects quite a bit of humor into some of the uncomfortable situations he gets himself into. One of the more interesting aspects of the book is the difference in Chinese and Western teaching styles. As Peter tries to nurture his students and get them to think for themselves and question common Chinese beliefs his Chinese tutor shows him the Chinese way of teaching by giving him a stern 'Budui' (wrong) whenever he mispronounces a word. It is a great study on many of the differences of Western and Chinese culture. The author has written another book on China called "Oracle Bones" which is on our "To Read" list.

Will The Boat Sink The Water?

Will The Boat Sink The Water?

by Chen Guidi and Wu Chuntao

We bought this book as light reading for our last trip to Jamaica, it wasn't so light. The book is written by two Chinese journalists and has been translated into English, the translation is good but the subject matter is pretty heavy. The book was banned in China but is said to have sold 10 million copies on the black market. The authors travel throughout their home province of Anhui to see how the peasants are fairing through China's recent newfound prosperity. What they find isn't good. The book tells through a series of stories how various peasants feel that they are being treated unjustly mostly due to over taxation and try to go up the local government chain of command to get their issues resolved. They are met with jail time, beatings and even death. To be honest, I did not enjoy reading this book, although I think it does show some of the hardships that Chinese peasants must deal with on a daily basis and shows haw far China has yet to come to become a truly modern society.

The Good Earth

The Good Earth

by Pearl S. Buck

"The Good Earth" tells the story of a peasant farmer and his family living in China in the early 1900s. The story begins as the main character, Wang Lung is about to get married to a servant named O-Lan working for the local landlord. The young married couple are very poor but through hard work they are able to acquire some land and become relatively prosperous. They have a few children and life soon gets difficult when famine hits. The family most go south to find food and work. They find themselves begging and doing menial jobs to just scrape by. The country is embroiled in a revolution at the time as well so Wang must be careful not to get caught and forced to fight in the military. The family gets caught up in an uprising of local peasants who loot a rich family's home. They find coins and jewels and are able to get back home to their land. With their looted coins and jewels they are able to buy more land and eventually buy the house where O-Lan worked as a servant. Toward the end of the story Wang Lung is so prosperous that he no longer has to work his farm and lives the life of a rich man. He takes some concubines which causes problems with his wife and children. It is sad to read throughout the book how O-Lan is treated but I think it is probably pretty realistic to how women were treated at this time. This book was written in the 1930s but we really enjoyed it. It won a Pulitzer prize and recently was rediscovered by many on Oprah's book club. The book was also made into a movie in 1937. Due to the lack of Chinese actors at the time the main characters were cast as Americans but it was still pretty good. The author of the book, Pearl S. Buck grew up in China but went to college in the United States. Interestingly, she founded the first international interracial adoption clinic in the United States. The book was re-released in 1935 as a trilogy called the House of Earth. The two sequels are called Sons and A House Divided. I have yet to read them but they are on my "to read" list.

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

by Richard Ferber, M.D.

I think I first heard about "Ferberizing" a child in the movie "Meet the Fockers" where they sort of exaggerate the methodology with DeNiro's character. The basis of this methodology is to allow the child to teach herself to fall to sleep without the help of the parents. This involves letting the child cry a little longer every night until she can sleep through the night without any intervention of the parents. For us, we will be trying to create attachment and a bond with Grace so the Ferber method is contrary to attachment parenting. We cannot let just let Grace cry as this would not foster her trust in us. With that being said, I think once we feel Grace has formed an attachment we may be able to use some of his approach as we see fit. Some parts of the book are a bit dry when he discusses the stages of sleep. There are some good sections on night terrors (what they are and how to handle them). Overall, I thought the book had some good information. I probably will need to reread sections of the book when we have Grace home and are actually dealing with sleep problems.

Are Those Kids Yours?

Are Those Kids Yours?

by Cheri Register

Apparently, "Are Those Kids Yours" is a question many parents with children adopted from other countries hear when out with their children. The answer of course is a simple "Yes". But that question says a lot about how families created through international adoption are perceived in our society. The book was written by a mother of two children adopted from Korea. In the book she examines the ethical issues surrounding international adoption and the importance of teaching them about the heritage and culture of their birth country. She uses experiences she encountered raising her children to illustrate some of the joys and and challenges families formed through international adoption will face.

The Waiting Child

The Waiting Child

by Cindy Champnella

A friend of Jen's mom sent us this book after learning that we were in the process of adopting from China. This is a really amazing story of a family that adopts a four year old girl named Jaclyn. From the moment Jaclyn learns to communicate with her new family she begins to lobby them to get "her baby". Her Baby was a younger little boy back in her orphanage who she protected and took care of. I won't ruin the ending but will say it is a really sweet story that shows the unbelievable spirit of little Jaclyn.

USCIS Renewal

We got an email from our agency this week with instructions for renewing our USCIS approval. It is pretty much the same process as the first time around only this this time it should be easier as we have all the documents we need, we just need to make copies of them. We are hoping to get it all together and sent out within a week or two. Jen is also getting ready to start working on Grace's 100 good wishes quilt. She went out this weekend and picked up a book on quilting and is trying to decide on the design. Just a reminder if you want to send us a quilt square and haven't yet make sure you get it to us by April 1st.

14 Months

We reached another milestone in our adoption journey last Monday, 14 months since our Log In Date. Referrals came in on Monday as well. Our agency received six referrals, the CCAA also updated their website that they have matched families with Log in Dates up to October 24th. We are slowly creeping closer to our referral. Based on current projections it is still looking like we may get our referral by the end of the summer. Although November is suspected to have a bit more Log in Dates than the past few months so it may take longer to get through, which would push our referral into the fall. That means we could be traveling to China around the holidays, Christmas in China sounds good to us. Update from the CCAA website is below:

Paradise

Back to reality today. We spent the past week at the Sunset at the Palms resort in Negril, Jamaica. This is the same resort we went to last winter and we had such a good time we had to go back. Since we were return guests management went out of their way to make us happy. One night they left a bottle of Champagne in our room and on our last night there we were invited to a special dinner with management and two other couples who were return visitors as well. One thing we like about the resort is it isn't really child friendly, so there really aren't a bunch of kids running around screaming and splashing in the water. Not that we don't like kids we just wanted some quiet time for a romantic vacation. One thing we decided before we left was that we weren't going to discuss our pending adoption with other people at the resort. Since this vacation was about us we didn't want to spend our time educating people about Chinese adoption, also you never know what people may say that we might find offensive so we decided we would just not mention it to anyone. This was a little difficult as we hung out a bit with another really nice couple who mentioned in passing that they had friends who were in the process of adopting from China but we kept our mouths shut. We spent most of the time on the beach, at the pool or stuffing our faces with food. We took one trip off the resort to go shopping and to Rick's Cafe where people jump off a huge cliff into the water. Neither Jen nor I took the plunge. Another highlight of the trip was our visit to the Office of Nature (or as Jen decided to rename it The Ministry of Magic). This was just a bunch of local Rastafarians who set up on the beach and sell crafts and will catch fresh lobster and grill them up for you on a sea wood grill. The lobster was so good. Was nice to get out of the resort and hang out with and have a beer with some of the locals. Some pics of our excursions are below.....

Checking out for a little while to recharge the batteries.......

Quilting last call

Not much new with the adoption this week. The middle of the month is usually quiet as far as rumors about the next batch so we just patiently wait. Jen is getting ready to start working on the 100 Good Wished Quilt for Grace. So if anyone hasn't yet sent us a square and wish get it to us before April 1st. You can get the details about the Quilt on the link on the right. If there is anyone who reads this website and wants to swap quilt squares just post your email address to our guest book and we will get in touch for contact info.

CCAA February Update

Referrals arrived last Thursday, they covered families with Log In Dates up to October 13th. This means that they did Sixteen days worth of Log In Dates which is good. There was week in this batch where there were no Log In Dates because the CCAA was on vacation for the Moon Festival. But there was also a day with more than normal Log In Dates so It looks like it pretty much balances out. The big question this month is when referrals will come out. Chinese New Year is February 18th and the CCAA will be on vacation for two weeks. So that means they either have to get the next batch out really quick or wait until after the holiday which may push things back a little. This week (Monday) we are celebrating 13 months since our Log in Date. Not really doing anything to celebrate, just nice to reach another milestone. The people that just got their referrals last week waited about 16 months. This makes it seem like we are getting close but an additional month gets tacked on every two months so we think our wait will end up being 18 months, give or take a month. The CCAA website update is below:

Our new Godson

Jen and I added a new nephew / godson this past week. My sister gave birth to little Jim early Wednesday morning. He arrived a little bit earlier than expected but Melinda, Jim and little Jim are doing well.

Happy Mom and Dad

Little Jim

Re-Fingerprinting

We went down to the Boston USCIS office this past Saturday to get re-fingerprinted. It was a pretty painless process, we were in and out of there in about a half hour. It is getting toward the end of the month now so we should start hearing some rumors about the next batch of referrals. Things have been pretty quiet so far though. They need to get through the last three days in September and since the CCAA was on vacation Oct 1st through 7th there are no families with Log In Dates during that time, so they should at least get through Oct 7th. The rest of October is rumored to be huge. So this means it could take three or four months to get through October. The good news is once they are into October there are only three full months of Log In Dates to get to us.

Playing Dress Up

Sometimes it seems like all of our free time is spent thinking about the adoption. This past weekend we took some time away and attended my company's holiday party. The company I work for has an office in New England and another one in New Jersey. The holiday party is a time for both offices to get together, it is usually held somewhere in between the two offices. This year to make things interesting they decided to make it a costume party with a TV and movies theme. For your viewing pleasure, Jen and I went as Trinity and Neo from The Matrix.

More Paula Zahn

If you didn't see or read the transcript of last Friday's Paula Zahn Now show on the new restrictions on Chinese adoptions I found a video on YouTube of the show that you can view by clicking here. On Monday we heard that they were doing a follow up. As much as we hated to, we had to watch. They started out the show by saying they had received thousands of letters from adoptive parents and actually read from a couple of them. Unfortunately Jen's letter did not make it on the air. They had two of the same panelists on as the Friday show who pretty much just spouted out the same drivel. One of them , Cenk Uygur, sort of backed off a little and said that he was overbroad in saying that race was the sole factor for adoptive parents. The other guy Roland Martin pretty much said the same thing as Friday and didn't really seem to understand that many people adopt internationally because they don't want to risk adopting domestically and then having to give the child back because the birthmother decides to parent. To balance the two of them out they also had on David Youtz, the president of Families with Children from China of greater New York.. He did a really good job by simply explaining that Chinese adoption process is so popular because it is a clear and dependable process. He finished by saying it is really just about creating families, which, to Jen and I, is really what we are striving for. After listening to him speak, Jen and I sent out our membership form to join Families With Children from China of New England. This is something we have been taking about becoming a member of for a while so it was a good reminder for us to apply to be a member. After watching the show I think the consensus in the Chinese adoption community was that Monday's show, while better than Friday's show, still didn't do us any good and we would prefer that the media outlets just leave us alone. The risk here is that increased bad press in the US toward Chinese adoption could cause China to look unfavorably on us and shut down adoptions to Americans completely. We were a little surprised when we heard today that Paula Zahn was again presenting a segment on Chinese Adoption. This time the spin was: She’s a proud parent now, but if she wanted to do it again, she couldn’t. Will strict overseas adoption standards rule you out too? They interviewed a single parent who has adopted two children from China and now because she is single she would not be allowed to adopt another. She said she was just so thankful for the precious children that China had given her. I think CNN was hoping she would bad-mouth the Chinese government. They also showed some parents at the American Consulate in China at their swearing in ceremony. Jen and I took note of what that room looks like hoping that we will be there really soon.

This week we also got our appointment letters in the mail to go to the USCIS to get re-fingerprinted, unfortunately we are busy this weekend so we will probably be going to get them done next Saturday.

Paula Zahn

It seems like every couple months the media comes out with a new story that gets the Chinese Adoption community in an uproar. Usually the uproar is caused by ignorance on the part of the media, or by just trying to sensationalize a story. The media seems to really have picked up lately on the new restrictions for Chinese adoptions and on Friday night CNN's Paula Zahn Now had a panel on to discuss the new restrictions. It started innocently enough with a simple statement of the new regulations. From there it got ugly, real ugly. Jen and I didn't actually see the show live but we have a transcript which I have posted a link to here. You will need to scroll about 2/3rds of the way down to find the part where they discuss Chinese adoptions. The people on the show were obviously not experts in adoption, or China so they really came across as ignorant and even racist with some of the comments that were made. One of the panelists is a Muslim talk show host, another is a Law professor and there was also an editor of a newspaper. I think these people were brought on to primarily discuss some of the other issue of the show, it is just too bad that they didn't have anyone on to debate that had knowledge of the Chinese adoption process. Just since 2001 over 30,000 families in the United States have adopted children from China. It is easy to understand that the Chinese adoption community has a pretty powerful lobby. The show aired on Friday night, on Saturday morning the transcripts were posted all over the Chinese Adoption message boards. By Saturday night contact information and email addresses were posted for executives at CNN and the advertisers on the Paula Zahn show and a letter writing campaign was organized. So while I was watching the Patriots beat the Jets this afternoon Jen put her English degree to work and wrote the below letter and sent it to CNN:


To: CNN
Re: Paula Zahn Now Broadcast 1-5-07

I am very distressed over the information presented on Friday night’s Paula Zahn Now. My husband and I have been waiting for a year to be matched with a baby girl from China. The panelists on Paula Zahn’s show did a disservice to all families with children from China as well as to the greater population of people who are unfamiliar with China’s adoption program. Some information was misrepresented and biased to sensationalize adoptions from China. The panelists had their own agendas and belief systems that they wanted to be conveyed to CNN’s audience. However, the primary individuals who the topics centered on—families with children from China and their advocates—were blatantly absent.

Ms. Zahn’s opening with the loaded question “So how would you feel if someone told you you couldn't adopt a baby because you're not thin enough, not rich enough, nor attractive enough?” is intended to hook the audience with thoughts of discrimination and immediate outrage. Yet, China’s guidelines set minimum requirements for prospective adoptive parents. China wants their children to go to homes with parents who earn at least $30,000 a year, which is $15,000 per parent. In my state of Massachusetts, the minimum wage is $7.50/hr (www.dol.gov/esa/minwage/america.htm#Massachusetts) which means that two parents making minimum wage could pursue an adoption from China. China is looking for parents who have at least $80,000 in net worth. This means the worth of homes (even with a mortgage), cars, possessions, 401k funds, and not just monetary savings in a bank.

These are just two examples of the minimums the guidelines represent. Health professionals consider the BMI of 40 morbidly obese. A person’s weight, by no means, reflects the amount of love and nurturing a parent can provided. Yet, with a high BMI come the associated risks of other life threatening illnesses. The children adopted from China have already lost a family and China wants their children to be placed in their forever homes without the added risk of losing a parent due to secondary diseases such as heart disease and diabetes. A high BMI may be an indicator of these potentially life-threatening conditions. No one know for sure whether a person with a BMI of 40 will suffer these life threatening conditions, however, the chances are increased. The Center for Disease Control has information regarding BMI and its usefulness at their website www.cdc.gov/nccdphp/dnpa/bmi/adult_BMI/about_adult_BMI.htm. Also, a BMI is not the sole indicator of a person’s health required by China. Adoptive parents must meet with their physician to have a physical to ascertain their ability to be a healthy parent not to determine their ability to parent.

Furthermore, the general public must understand that we are dealing with a different country that has its own culture, which is very different from our own. Certain illnesses, deformities and conditions may limit one’s quality of life in China but that is not the case in the US or other countries. Therefore, the guidelines regarding those issues are coming from China’s frame of reference, not our own.

In regard to the panelists’ views on Paula Zahn’s show, they are biased toward their own agenda. I was horrified at the reference to “Mommy Dearest” which stereotypes adoptive parents as ones who will abuse their children. That was one movie about one mother’s abuse toward her adopted children. This comment by Sondra Solovay was just one throwaway comment made by many Friday evening. The panelists trivialized and sensationalized the plight of the adoptive family. Roland Martin makes a “porcelain doll” comment which is the exact type of comment that makes the skin crawl of most adoptive families. This dehumanizes and objectifies the child and comments like that perpetuate these stereotypes.

I can speak on behalf of my husband and perhaps the other thousands of prospective parents seeking adoptions from China. We did not choose China over other countries, including our own, based on race, religion or stereotypes. We chose China because of their fair and clear-cut process. We chose China because their infants are healthier on average than other countries not because they are healthier than those in the US, as opined by Solangel Maldonado. Most importantly, we chose China because a birth parent could not reclaim the child from us. On a personal note, although I do think many other parents with children from China can attest to this, we have suffered greatly in our pursuit of parenthood. I do not need to give my personal history here, however, I will say that I am 31 years old and my husband and I have been striving towards building a family for the past four of our five years of marriage. It is not that we wouldn’t welcome an American baby into our home as our precious child, rather, it is because we could not bear the thought of loving a child and then have that child taken from us because the birthmother or birthfather decided to parent that child. The rights of the birthparents come first in the US and we accept that as the policy set forth by our country to ensure what they believe is in the best interest of that child. China also has the right to decide what is in the best interest of their birth children.

CNN has lost its credibility as a news source. The information presented was skewed against people who adopt from China and our reasons for doing so. Many suppositions were made about adoptive families yet no representative was able to counter on our behalf. Frankly, I thought CNN would do a better job of having a fair and equitable panel of specialists. The panelists were outraged at said discriminatory practices of China and parents of children from China, however, they were the ones spouting off biased presumptions, stereotypes and prejudices. It also saddens me that I have to defend my choice of how I want to build my family when others take such a precious gift for granted. They have no idea what it is like to be in my shoes yet are so quick to judge and discriminate.

Sincerely,
JK

One Year

Couple new news items this past week related to our adoption. Friday was our 1 year Log In Date Anniversary. This means that it has been a year since China received our application to adopt. When we started this process this was not an anniversary that we thought/hoped that we would make it to. But we are here and it is one step closer to bringing Grace home. I would hope that we are at least half way to that point but only time will tell.

Referrals came in last week as well, our agency received 8 referrals including a set of twins. The CCAA website was updated that they have finished placement of children for families registered before September 27, 2005. That is 19 days of Log In Dates which on the surface looks like a bit of a speed up. But based on the numbers from polls taken on some of the rumor sites this amounts to quite a drop in the number of referrals sent out. Those same polls show October and November to both have more Log in Dates than September so it is expected to take more than just 4 months to get through those two months. The update from the CCAA website is below.

Happy New Year

Happy 2007!!!! We celebrated the New Year out for dinner with some friends and then watched the ball drop back at our place. This seems to have been our tradition for the past few years. We had a good time, good food and good friends. It is hard to believe that we started the adoption process in 2005 and it is now 2007. We are now in our third calendar year of this process. I wish we could say for sure that 2007 will be the year that we bring Grace home. We think this will most likely be the year but just not a sure thing. We expected referrals to come in this past week but we haven't heard anything, hopefully they will be in this week. Not really any rumors floating around regarding how far they are going to go through, hopefully that will get through most of September. I archived the 2006 news on this page into the the link below called 2006 News so that the page will load faster. Grace received a few more Christmas gifts this past week from the NDA girls.