Bathroom Remodel

We finally got around to taking some pics of our bathroom remodel.....

Before

After

We are pretty happy with the way it come out. It was definitely in need of an upgrade from the bad 80s decor. Jen is trying to talk me into buying an LCD screen to mount on the wall so she can watch Oprah and have a bath. I guess Gracie could also use it to watch cartoons while she is taking a tubbie. We'll see. Not a whole lot of rumors on this month's upcoming batch of referrals. We are not sure what to expect based on last month's small batch. But still hopeful that things will start speeding up. We should know for sure late this week or early next week.

Football

We took off this past weekend to visit Jen's family and take in some college football. The home team won and the weather was great so everyone was happy. I feel like it wouldn't be appropriate not to say something today on the 5 year anniversary of September 11th. We always feel pretty patriotic when we are down in the Washington area but to see all of these brave young men and women preparing to stand up and defend our country really humbles me. All I can really say is Thank You..
Nothing really going on in adoption news, Jen and I did finish up our Hepatitis vaccinations last week, so I guess that is one less thing we have to worry about. Our bathroom remodel is finally finished as well. We just need to touch up some paint and hang a couple things on the walls and we are back to normal.

8 Months

Tomorrow marks 8 months since our Log In Date. Some days is seems like the time has gone by pretty fast and some days it feels like we have been waiting forever. It has definitely been like a roller coaster ride. I spend a lot of time reading other waiting families' websites and blogs as it is nice to get some perspective from people that are in the same boat as we are. Have noticed recently that morale seems to be pretty low with many waiting families. The common theme seems to be that we just have no idea how long the wait is going to be. A few families just can't deal with it and are switching to domestic adoption or other countries. This is not something Jen and I have ever considered, we wish we knew how long the wait is going to be but we don't and we know our daughter is in China. We attended a wedding this past weekend for saw many of my family members who excitedly asked us if there was anything new with the adoption. It was tough to have to say again and again, no, nothing, no idea when we will know. It is nice to see people genuinely excited for us but at the same time it is difficult to tell people that we have no idea when Grace will be coming home. To give us just a nibble of good news the China Center of Adoption Affairs updated their website last week that they have finished review of adoption applications registered in their office before November 30th 2005. So this means that they are now working on December and since we are logged in January we should be next. I read somewhere that they actually work on two months at a time so they could actually be reviewing out application now. From what I understand the review process is just to make sure all of your documents are in order and you meet all of the requirements. Sometimes people will get a call requesting additional information, we have our fingers crossed that we will make it through OK. I think we will breathe a little easier when the website reads that they have finished reviewing applications registered in January. See the latest screen shot below.

August Referrals

This month's batch of referrals arrived at our agency yesterday, they had only 4 referrals in this batch with log in dates of July 14th 2005. We have heard that this batch had referrals up to July 22nd but our agency didn't have any LIDs between the 15th and the 22nd. Unfortunately this is only 9 days worth of referrals. Last month they did 15 days which was a few more days than the previous month so it looked like the trend was to refer a couple more days each month. Now we are not sure what to think, probably just a coincidence that they were referring more days each month. The pattern of the referrals coming in was a little different this month as well. Usually around mid month rumors start flying around, some good, some bad, and by the end of the month someone in the know will leak how many days will be referred for the month, then referrals arrive a few days later. This month there weren't really any rumors except that referrals would be coming out next week or early September and then on Thursday people started reporting that they were getting referrals. Not sure what to make of this, maybe the Chinese Center of Adoption Affairs is getting a little more strict with the information that they release. Probably a good thing as these rumors can drive a person crazy. We have heard that August is a light month so as long as they can get through the rest of July next month August should go pretty fast, we hope.

Jen starts back up at school next week, when we started the adoption process we were thinking that we would probably have the baby by now and she would take some time off, now it looks like she will most likely be working the full school year based on how referrals have slowed down. I guess this just means that we can take our 5th last childless vacation this winter. Something to look forward to. We are still not completely done with out bathroom remodel. The tub and toilet are installed but still no sink. At least we have a partially functioning bathroom now. The sink should be installed next week. We also realized that we need to get the electrician back in to move a light fixture. We bought a new medicine cabinet/mirror and it is shaped a little differently from our old one. I can only see half of my face when I look into it and I am not very tall. So we need to move it up about 6 inches but there is a light fixture above it so we need to get that moved first. We did take the new whirlpool tub for a test-drive this week, very relaxing, definitely a good investment.

5 Year Anniversary

Yesterday Jen and I celebrated our 5 Year Anniversary. We went out to dinner to celebrate and spent a ridiculous amount of money dining at a local restaurant called Silks at Stonehedge Inn. We have been there a couple times and the food and wine is always great. The first time we went we had only been dating a few years and it was our first time in a fancy restaurant. We were so out of our element, funny how much we have changed since then. Someone once told me that life never really turns out how you expect it to. If you would have asked us on our wedding day where we thought we would be in five years, I guarantee we would not have said we would be preparing to travel to China to adopt a baby. I expect we would have said happily married with a couple kids. We are happily married, we are just going about having the kids a little differently than most. We are still working on getting the nursery set up. Our current project is cleaning out the closet. Right now it is being used as Jen's seasonal closet and various other storage, so we needed to get some more closet space. So off we went to IKEA and bought a new wardrobe. We needed some bookcases as well so I took a couple vacation days this week and have been putting together furniture for the past couple days. This prompted us to clean and organize our basement which is a good thing as we hope to use it as a playroom for Gracie.

I wish I had a before pic but this is how it looks now.

This is the other, unorganized side of our basement, where we are storing some of the big boxed baby items.

We are hoping to get everything done this weekend, need to go to Babies-R-Us as the mattress is on sale, which we think is the last big item we need to get. We expected referrals to come this week but they didn't. Looks like they will be coming early next week and will cover Log In Dates through July 13th as was rumored. Although this isn't official yet, the China Center for Adoption Affairs website hasn't been updated and we haven't heard anything from our agency.

Working on the Nursery

We finally have sorted through most of the shower gifts and have them pretty much organized. We have been working on putting the nursery together now that we have stuff to put in there. I will post some pictures when it is complete. We need to get a few more things but are waiting for them to go on sale. The difficulty now is having to look at a completed nursery everyday and we have no baby in there and no real idea of when we will get her. We may need to keep the door closed for a while so that we don't have to see it every day. The next batch of referrals should be coming out this week. There have been rumors that the China Center for Adoption Affairs building is moving and that could delay referrals a bit. The rumors also seem to be saying that this referral group will cover people with Log In dates up to July 13th. This would be 15 days which is 2 more days than last month but unfortunately not a full month as some people in the adoption community were expecting. So our best case scenario of getting our referral in January 2007 is probably not going to happen. We are now looking at getting our referral sometime between February 2007 and July 2007.

Baby Shower

This was a pretty busy weekend for us. On Friday we had a 50th Anniversary party for Jen's parents. Lots of family were up for the party and we had a really good time. Yesterday, Jen had a baby shower. It was so nice to have so many friends and family supporting us with the adoption. We got so many nice gifts, Grace is definitely not going to go without anything. We are still trying to sort through everything and probably will for the next couple of weeks. Today we went to Babies R Us and used some of the gift cards that we got on some of the registry items that were not purchased. I have enough toys and furniture to put together to keep me busy for months. Some pictures from the shower below. We'll post some more as we get them.

CAWLI Picnic

We had a fun day yesterday. We attended a picnic hosted by some families from our adoption agency. There were about 20 families there with children adopted from China as well as quite a few waiting families like us. It was nice to see so many happy families, some with more than one baby from China. We also got to meet a couple more families from our DTC group who we will probably be traveling to China with. We are now a year in since we started the adoption process last summer. It has gone by pretty fast. We hope that the remaining wait time goes just as fast. Hope everyone has a great holiday weekend.

CCAA June Update

The image below is a screenshot I took of the China Center for Adoption Affairs website as of Thursday. They have finished placement of children registered before June 28th. This means that they got through thirteen days of referrals this month. It is good news that they are processing a few more days each month. Although the wait now is at the 1 year point, in order for us to get our referral in January (1 year) they would need to start processing full months of referrals from this point forward. Not sure how likely that is but there are rumors that May and June 2005 were really heavy LID months and July and August are much lighter. I guess we wait and see. Our agency hasn't received the referrals yet, probably will early next week. The other part of the CCAA website update is that they have finished review of applications that they received before October 31st. They got ours in January so we are about two months away from the review room. Once it gets to the review room it is checked over to ensure everything is in order and sometimes they will request additional information from us. Apparently our application has been just sitting in some office in China for the past 6 months, nobody has even looked at it yet. Jen finished school this week so she is happy to be on her summer vacation. We don't have any big vacation plans for this summer as I am trying to save my vacation time for the trip to China and then take a couple weeks off afterward. We are planning to do a little remodeling on our upstairs bathroom this summer. We aren't doing it ourselves though, just hiring someone to replace the tub, fixtures and retiling. This will be the first major work we are having done to our house so it should be interesting.

Adoption Class

I know I haven't updated the site in a while but there hasn't been much adoption related stuff going on. We were pretty busy this weekend though. Yesterday we attended another adoption class called "Adjustment of Internationally Adopted Children". The class was given by the mother of two grown children adopted from South America. Got some good information to help prepare ourselves for when we bring Grace home. On the way home we stopped at the Samsonite Outlet and bought our luggage for our trip to China. We ended purchasing over $600 worth of luggage, fortunately we had some gift certificates from our credit card points so our out of pocket expense was significantly less. I got my first "Happy Father's (to be) Day Card" and many happy Father's day wishes so that was pretty cool. This is about the time of the month that the rumors start swirling about the month's referrals. All seem to be pointing to a few more days than last month. We should know for sure this week or next.

PTAG

We attended our Parent Travel Advisory Group Meeting yesterday at our adoption agency. It was great hearing all of the travel stories but also a reality check that things don't always go perfectly while over in China. The director of our adoption agency stopped by the meeting as well. This was our first time meeting her and she is an amazing woman, we could listen to her speak for hours. The reason we decided to use our agency is because of all of the good things we heard about her. You can really see the love she has for the children and China. She talked a little bit about the growing wait time but basically told us not to pay attention to any of the rumors because nobody really knows what is going to happen. I think at this point Jen and I are at peace with the growing wait time, we realize that we have no control over it so there is no use worrying about it.

Referrals

We got an email from our adoption agency on Friday stating that they had received this month's referrals. This batch went through people with a Log In Date of June 15th, so that is 9 days of referrals since last month. The number of days seems to be increasing by two days each month. Not a very big increase but at least it is an increase rather than a decrease. People keep asking us when we will be bringing Grace home and the honest answer is we really don't know. If the wait time stays around 12 months like it is now we should be getting a referral in Jan 2007 and traveling a month or so later. But that is IF the wait stays at 12 months. There is no way to tell what is going to happen with referrals between now and then. So, we not-so-patiently wait. I can say we are enjoying sleeping late in the morning spending late nights out in Boston, things we won't be able to do soon enough. Next Saturday we are attending a Parent Travel Advisory Group Training session at our adoption agency. This meeting is presented by parents that have already traveled to China. They will advise us on what to expect while traveling in China and what to pack. Should be an interesting meeting.

Too Much Rain

It has been a pretty rough week. Last Sunday night all the rain that we had been getting caught up to us and our basement flooded. Not too much damage, just a soggy carpet. Some of the flooding was pretty serious in our area. A lot of people have some pretty serious damage, so we aren't complaining. Jen's school was canceled for the week so she went to her brother's in Florida to get away from the rain. I also found out that there were some complications with surgery that my brother was having. Still not sure what exactly is going on with him, hoping to get more info later this week and that everything will turn out OK. Nothing new to report with the adoption. Referrals should be coming out this week. The rumors seem to be saying that this group will include a couple more days than last month.

Happy Mothers Day

Happy Mother's Day to all of the mothers and mothers to be out there. Last year Mother's day was a bittersweet time for Jen. We were in the midst of fertility treatments and were in church on Mother's day, the priest has all of the mothers stand to be recognized and it was so rough to see Jen's pain as she couldn't stand because she wasn't a mother yet. This year there were only happy tears. Even though the process is going rather slow we know that most likely by this time next year she will be a mom. We spent the day today visiting with our moms. We also finally got around to installing the ceiling light in Grace's room today. The rumor mill is starting to pick up regarding this month's referrals, all seem to be positive rumors but they are just rumors at this point so we aren't taking them too seriously yet.

4 Months

Friday was the four month anniversary of our Log in Date. Based on the current time frame we should be about 1/3 of the way through the wait for a referral. Yesterday, Jen and I went to the Peabody-Essex museum in Salem, MA to see the Yin Yu Tang house. This is a late Qing dynasty house that was originally located in China that has been brought over here and rebuilt. You get to tour the house and see how they lived in China. A wealthy family lived in this house for Eight generations from about 1800 to 1982. Should be a fun place to take Grace to someday.

Baby Care Class

I changed My first diaper

We attended our baby care class yesterday and had a lot of fun. Since Jen is an old pro at this type of stuff she let me do most of the work. I changed my first diaper and it wasn't that bad. Albeit, it was a doll and not a squirmy, screaming child with a poopy diaper. There were 6 other couples in the class with us. One couple is adopting domestically, another is adopting from Korea and another from Guatemala. There were two other couples adopting from China, one of the couples is using the same agency as we are and has the same Log In Date so we will most likely be traveling to China with them. It was great to meet another couple that we will be traveling with. In the class they went over basic care and safety stuff. They also explained how to use some of the different types of bottles. Jen has been bugging me participate in the 6 Weird things tag so....

6 Weird Things About Steve...

1. I can't wear hats. They just don't look right on me, not sure why, maybe I have a weird shaped head. When I do wear one I get comment like (if the person is trying to be nice) Oh, Steve, I have never seen you in a hat. This is usually said with a smirk on their face. Or, if they are not trying to be nice.....Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha
2. I have a phobia about things being put in my eyes, like eyedrops. I just hope I never need to wear contact lenses. Probably stems from the eye surgery I had when I was a kid.
3. When I was in college I taught computer classes at a lock-up facility for teenage girls. These girls were there because they were too young to be in prison. On my first day there I saw I girl being taken out in @nkle sh@ckles. Definitely a weird experience. (I had to use the @ to replace replace the a's because some pervs were finding this website through some inappropriate web searches).
4. A few years ago, driving home from Jen's house I hit a guy with my car. He was running from a crime scene chasing another guy with a piece of metal. I saw something out of the corner of my eye, slammed on my brakes then watched him fly over the hood of my car. He wasn't severely injured but they did take him away in an ambulance. The good thing was I slowed him down enough so the guy he was chasing got away. So I may have saved someone's life.
5. I am the tallest person in my family.....and I am 5'-6"
6. My name is Steven King, enough said.

Mail from Guangzhou, China!!!!

We had a little surprise in the mail when we got home today. We got our brown envelope!!! The brown envelope contains a letter from the American Consulate in China confirming that they are authorized to process our adoption. The letter also contains a bunch of forms that we will need to finalize the adoption when we are in China as well as a map of Guangzhou. Some of the forms and the map are written in Chinese so I hope there is someone to help us out. Interestingly the cover letter is dated Nov 22, 2005 so I guess things are a little backed up at the consulate. We were told about the mysterious brown envelope a while back but were warned that some people get one and some don't so we weren't really expecting it. I guess it is not a big deal if you don't get it but it is nice that we did. Tomorrow morning Jen and I are attending a class called Baby Care for First Time Adoptive Parents. Should be a fun little class to get us started with the basics of feeding, bathing, clothing and nurturing a baby. It will be especially helpful for me as I don't have much experience with this kind of stuff. Not really looking forward to changing my first dirty diaper.

CCAA April Update

The China Center for Adoption Affairs website was updated yesterday confirming the rumor that the next batch of referrals will go through June 6th. We were glad to see that they squeezed more days in this month's batch. Things seem to be moving along a little better. Also, we've been tagged. Actually, Jen was tagged but I will probably participate as well. This is a little game that is going around the Chinese adoption websites/blogs where you list 6 weird things about yourself and then ask someone else to do the same, so.....

6 Weird Things about Jen.....

1. I am severely arachnophobic. 1a. When I see a spider I do the slappy-clappy-snappy dance where I stamp my feet and clap my hands in unison while screaming EEEeeeeeee.
2. In my teens I worked as a magician's assistant.
3. I hate mint. It makes me nauseas. Also makes it really difficult to brush my teeth. I need to use cinnamon toothpaste. 3a. Wintergreen is acceptable, however.
4. I hate chicken parmesan. Chicken is yummy. Tomato sauce is yummy. Cheese is yummy. Put them all together and it is the grossest concoction ever.
5. I can't watch people prepare my food. I'm sure I will spot something disgusting and I won't be able to eat. Ignorance is bliss.
6. My utensils can't touch a table in a restaurant without a tablecloth or something between then. These tables are always washed with a disgustingly filthy germ infested rag.
   

Hmmm, seems like someone is a germaphobe with some major food issues. I will post 6 weird things about me (Steve), later in the week. Having a hard time coming up with 6 things.

Chinese President visit to the US

We are expecting that the April batch of referrals should be coming in this week. Rumors are that they will cover people with Log In Dates through June 6th. That would be 7 days worth, not great news but better than the 5 days worth of referrals last month. Seems like things may be starting to move in the right direction. Lots of stories about China in the news this past week with Chinese President Hu Jintao visiting the US. Keep hearing that both sides are agreeing to disagree on many issues, human rights, trade surplus, currency valuation, IRAN and Korea seem to be Bush's major issues. Not sure any progress was made on any of the issues though. Hope the Chinese President wasn't too bothered by the Falun Gong supporter who interrupted his speech on the White House lawn. Have to wonder how something like that is allowed to happen. Jen and I were talking this week and it was around this time last year that we started seriously looking into adopting from China. We've come a long way since then.

Happy Easter

We are expecting that the April batch of referrals should be coming in this week. Rumors are that they will cover people with Log In Dates through June 6th. That would be 7 days worth, not great news but better than the 5 days worth of referrals last month. Seems like things may be starting to move in the right direction. Lots of stories about China in the news this past week with Chinese President Hu Jintao visiting the US. Keep hearing that both sides are agreeing to disagree on many issues, human rights, trade surplus, currency valuation, IRAN and Korea seem to be Bush's major issues. Not sure any progress was made on any of the issues though. Hope the Chinese President wasn't too bothered by the Falun Gong supporter who interrupted his speech on the White House lawn. Have to wonder how something like that is allowed to happen. Jen and I were talking this week and it was around this time last year that we started seriously looking into adopting from China. We've come a long way since then.

Kitty Carrier

It's been a pretty quiet week here, not a whole lot going on. We are trying to keep out minds off the long wait by keeping ourselves occupied. Have been reading lots of books on parenting and adoption. We also find ourselves drawn to anything China related. Last night we watched 7 Years in Tibet. Not really a movie that portrays China in a positive light but interesting nonetheless. Jen's sister-in-law is letting us borrow her Baby Bjorn carrier for the trip to China. Jen had to try it out.....some pictures of the shenanigans for your enjoyment.

This and that

We had a pretty busy weekend, yesterday Jen went out to Chinatown with some of the women from our DTC group. They went to Chau Chow for lunch and then did a little shopping. She had a really great time and it was a good opportunity for her to get to know some of the women that we will be traveling to China with. Today Jen and I went out to Babies R Us and registered for Jen's baby shower. Pretty overwhelming experience (for me anyway). I was fine while we were looking at baby monitors or anything electronic or with moving parts. I was totally out of my element though when we got to the baby bottle supplies. Who knew they make 147 different types of nipples. Luckily Jen's sister-in-law Maura came by and bailed us out. We really needed an expert to tell us what we really need. While we were looking at bibs we noticed a little Asian girl shopping with her Caucasian parents. We really wanted to say hello and tell them that we were preparing for a trip to China but we chickened out. After about three hours of shopping we were exhausted and called it a day. It is amazing how much stuff you need for one little child, makes you wonder how people got by 100 years ago. I added a link to our registry below.

March Referrals

We got an email from our adoption agency yesterday stating that they received no referrals this month and that the China Center for Adoption Affairs has sent out only five days worth of referrals. They are now up to May 30th. This is a definite slowdown in the amount of referrals sent out this month. When we started the adoption process they were sending referral groups out by the month and the groups have gotten progressively smaller. They are telling us that the wait is now at 11 months. That would give us our referral in December. Seems like every month we take one step forward and one step back. Not really sure of the reason for the slowdown. There are a lot of rumors out there, one being that less babies are being abandoned in China. If this is true then that is great news for China and the babies, but we can't help being a little bit selfish and wish the process would speed up for us. There were rumors earlier in the week that there was going to be a small group of referral this month so we kind of expected it.

You may have noticed that there are some advertisements on some of the pages here. I signed up for google ads, so if you click on the ads we will earn money. Not sure exactly how much money we get but it will probably not be enough to pay for Grace's college education.

Jen also went out this week and bought a new rug for Gracie's room at Pottery Barn Kids. Here are some pictures of the rug and the light that we bought last week.

Attaching in Adoption

Attaching in Adoption

by Deborah D. Gray

One of the big concerns with children adopted from orphanages is proper attachment and bonding. Babies raised in an orphanage will not always have a mother at her beck and call to meet her needs and build a loving, trusting relationship. This book explores the challenges that adoptive parents must work through in order to create that secure bond and attachment with an adopted child. The book explores in detail what attachment is and why it is important. Techniques are provided to help parents facilitate attachment and bonding with an adopted child. The book also covers some scary topics that we hopefully won't encounter such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Reactive Attachment Disorder. Each topic covered book is interspersed with scenarios to illustrate potential attachment issues and provide suggested solutions. I have heard many adoptive parents say that if you read one book on adoption this should be the one you read.

The Lost Daughters Of China

The Lost Daughters Of China

by Karin Evans

This was one of our favorite books we have read during the adoption process. Another must read for all Chinese adoptive parents. The book is very well written, almost poetic at times. This is one of the more "feel good" books that we read. The author tells her and her husband's story of adopting from China from the paper chase to coming home with her daughter. She intersperses the story with narratives of Chinese history and culture. She also tries to convey within the book what circumstances could lead a mother to abandon her child. This is something hard for us to understand but a reality for many living in China. Since this is one of the first books that we purchased it has been almost 2 years since we read this book. Definitely another book that we will re-read at some point.

A Passage to the Heart - Writings from Families with Children from China

A Passage to the Heart - Writings from Families with Children from China

edited by Amy Katzkin

This book is a series of essays written by members of Families with Children from China. The stories discuss the joys and challenges of adopting a child from China. Sections include the Wait (we could write a whole book on that topic), Settling In, Development, Race and Identity. This book definitely has a more feel-good vibe to it but some of the articles will be a bit of a tear jerker. Definitely another must read for parents adopting from China.

Wanting A Daughter, Needing A Son - Abandonment, Adoption and Orphanage Care in China

Wanting A Daughter, Needing A Son - Abandonment, Adoption and Orphanage Care in China

by Kay Ann Johnson and Amy Klatzkin

This book is a must read for parents adopting a child from China. This is not an easy read, it is really a series of research papers written by a College Professor and an editor of books on Chinese Studies who both also happen to be mothers of girls adopted from China. Since the book is a collection of research papers written over a period of time there is a bit of repetition but you do get a good sense of how adoption in China has changed over the years. But as I mentioned it is a tough read, most of the book has footnotes throughout which you need to flip to the back of the book to read. Much of the research in the book is backed up numbers, charts and statistics so much of it reads like an academic research paper. The book does a great job in explaining the cultural reasons why some baby girls are abandoned and why Chinese families feel that they need a son. The book also explains in depth the One-Child population control policy and how it leads to abandonment. This is definitely a book that I plan to re-read at some point. This is definitely not a fluffy, feel-good adoption book but it does give the reader a better understanding of the reason why we have our daughters.

The Unofficial Guide to Adopting a Child

The Unofficial Guide to Adopting a Child

by Andrea Della Vecchio, MA, M.Ed.

This was the first book that we purchased when we started thinking about adoption. Going into adoption knowing really nothing about it like we did, we really needed a guide to educate us on our options and lead us through the decision process. The book talks about domestic vs. international adoption and discusses the different programs in Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe. There are sections on home studies, choosing an agency, Non-Traditional Families and many other subjects that adoptive families work through with the adoption process. Through this book and other research we obviously decided to adopt from China so this book served us well as an Intro to Adoption 101.

Why can't we adopt a newborn/infant from China?

Not much new adoption stuff going on lately and I just realized that I haven't posted any updates lately so I will answer another question....

Why can't we adopt a newborn/infant from China?

The youngest babies that we have seen at referral seem to be around 5 to 6 months old. Add two months to that to get our travel approval and the youngest she will be is 7 - 8 months. We are on the young side so I expect that we will be referred a younger baby, although there is no guarantee. We requested a 6 - 12 month old or as young as possible. The reason why we can not get a baby any younger has to do with the process China has to go through to consider the babies abandoned and available for adoption. When a baby is abandoned and taken into an orphanage a finding ad is placed in a local newspaper. This is just a picture and a description of the baby and where she was found. This is so the birthparents can re-claim the baby if they wish to. I doubt that this happens very often though as it is illegal to abandon babies. If the baby is not reclaimed within a certain number of months then the baby is considered abandoned and is available to be adopted. The babies are checked over for health issues and paperwork is processed and by this time the baby is about 5 -6 months old.

Why does it take so long to adopt from China when there are so many babies in orphanages?

We have been getting questions from family and friends lately about the wait time to adopt from China so....

Why does it take so long to adopt from China when there are so many babies in orphanages?

I don't think there is one simple answer to this one but I will try to answer the best I can. When we first started the adoption process we were told that the wait to referral was about 6 - 7 months. This didn't seem that bad to us but we knew going into it that this timeframe could change. As we were progressing through the process we noticed that the wait times were increasing to where they are now at around 9 - 10 months. We realize that this could increase even more but the time frame could get shorter as well. One of the main reasons we have heard is causing the increase in wait times is an increase in the number of dossiers (requests to adopt) that China is getting. The United States adopted almost 8,000 babies from China last year and this number seems to be increasing each year. Along with the United States, Canada, Europe and Australia, etc also are increasing their adoptions from China. China is also in the process of ratifying the Hague Convention of International Adoption Law. The Hague basically puts policies in place to ensure that the international adoptions are serving the needs of the children first. Basically this means that there will be new polices and paperwork that China has to go through in order to be in compliance. We have also read that the China Center for Adoption Affairs is moving (or has moved) to a new building. Hopefully moving forward the wait will stabilize or even decrease, if not maybe Jen and I can fit in one last childless vacation.

LID!!!!

We got some great news today, we have our Log In Date, it is January 5th, 2006!!!!!!! So at this point we are almost 2 months into the wait for a referral. If the wait to referral stays at 9 months we should have just over 7 months to go. Apparently there was some kind of mix up in China with our Log In Date (and about 10 other couples) and they didn't get sent. There were some parents from our agency that were Dossier to China after us and got their referrals earlier this week. So something was definitely awry. Our agency was on the phone with China on Wednesday but China would not give them out log in dates over the phone and said they would fax them out ASAP. We waited patiently through yesterday but still no word. This morning the email came. This is a pretty big milestone in the process because it gives us a definite date to start counting from. When the referrals come out they tell us what Log in Dates that they covered so that way we can tell how fast referrals are coming and how close we are to getting one.

Jamaica

So tough to come home to 15 inches on snow and 25 degrees after sitting on the beach sipping pina coladas, but we are back. Jamaica was great, the resort was beautiful, the people were nice and the weather was perfect. We thought we may have to stay an extra day because of Logan being closed on Sunday but we made it out without much of a delay.
Some pictures of our trip......

Last Childless Vacation

This coming weekend Jen and I are taking our 4th last childless vacation......Let me explain. Three years ago, when we decided we were going to start trying to start a family we decided to take one last vacation. We went to Las Vegas for a week of relaxing, gambling and a little craziness. Then it was on to baby making. Two years and six failed IUIs later we decided that we needed a break before we started the In-Vitro Fertilization process. Our doctor was sure that In-Vitro was going to work for us so we felt pretty confident as well. We decided to take our 2nd last vacation. Off we jetted to Miami and we had a great time relaxing in the sun. After 3 failed In-Vitros we decided that we had enough and after some consideration decided to adopt from China. Soon after this some friends were going to Las Vegas for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party so we decided to go along for our 3rd last vacation. At the time we were thinking that the wait for a referral for Grace was 6 months so we figured we would be traveling to China this summer so this really was going to be our last vacation. Since that time the wait time has increased so it is looking more like we will be traveling to China at the end of this year so we figured we can fit in one last vacation. So, this Friday morning we are flying out and heading to Jamaica for a few nights. We will be staying at the Sunset at the Palms in Negril. The first big trip Jen an I took together 7 years ago was to Jamaica so it will be nice to go back. The place looks pretty cool, all of the rooms are in their own private treehouses so it should be very relaxing and romantic. We will take lots of pictures and will try to post some here when we get back......Ya Mon.

CAWLI Chinese New Year Party

Had a great time yesterday at the CAWLI Chinese New Year party. Pretty overwhelming with the amount of people that were there but all of the children were just adorable. We met quite a few couples that will be in our travel group. They all seemed like great people. We spoke quite a bit with a couple in our travel group that will be traveling back for their second daughter. It was great to talk to someone who has been there/done that. We had quite a few couples that we did not know come up to us and ask if we were waiting to travel. Then proceeded to tell us that last year they were in our situation, and reassured us that the time flies by and before we know it we will be traveling to China to pick up our daughter. After the party we went out to a local mall to run some errands and were truly disappointed when none of the couples there had Chinese babies with them. We looked at everyone's kids expecting to see a cute little Chinese face. Weird how your perspective changes after just a couple of hours.

Meeting Our Travel Group

We have a pretty busy and exciting weekend coming up. We will be attending a Chinese New Year Party on Saturday that is being put on by our adoption agency. We are told that there will be about 1200 people there so we are assuming around 1/3 of them will be babies and children. We are not sure what to expect as we have never attended a Chinese New Year party, but we assume there will be good food and some interesting Chinese cultural entertainment. At the party we will also be meeting 7 or 8 of the couples that we will be traveling to China with. We have been communicating for the past couple months through email and web forums but this will be the first time we will meet in person. Some of them have adopted already and are going back for their second child. These people will be our support group for the next 9 or so months during our wait to travel to China and into the future as our children grow up. We are really looking forward to this experience.

Reading Up

To help pass the time until we get our referral we purchased a couple parenting books. One of the books is called Attaching in Adoption. This is a book that was recommended to us as some children who have been adopted from orphanages have attachment issues. Due to the fact that these children do not have anyone to bond with they sometimes have a difficult time forming attachments with their adoptive parents. From what we have read so far the earlier the child is adopted the easier it is to attach with them. The book will show us what to look for and some strategies to facilitate attachment if we do have issues. One of the attachment parenting strategies requires the parents to be the only ones to hold and care for the baby, for how long we are not sure, haven't gotten to that part of the book yet. This allows the baby to develop trust for the parents and realize that we will always be there for her when she need us and are not going to abandon her. We realize that this will be difficult for us as well as our families and friends but it will be in the best interest of Grace. We also bought Dr. Ferber's book called Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems. If you saw the second "Meet the Parents" movie, Robert Deniro says he is 'Ferberizing' his grandson by letting him cry. I think the movie over-simplifies and pokes fun at the methodology but it basically involves teaching the child to put herself to sleep. Many of the strategies in Ferber's book are contrary to attachment parenting strategies but we feel that it is important to learn all we can, take suggestions from all of the books we read and do what is best for Grace. Our adoption agency got a group of referrals today. This is good news as the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs has sent out two groups of referrals in January. Our agency is still saying that referral wait time is running between 8 and 9 months.

Immunizations

Another small task done in the adoption process today. I went to my doctor's office this morning and started my Hepatitis A and B immunization series. This isn't something we had to do but was suggested by our adoption agency. Jen decided to wait until I got the shots to make sure I didn't have any weird reaction before she started hers. It was the least I could do since she got all the shots during our fertility treatments. Beside a couple sore shoulders I am no worse for wear. I will need to go back in a month to get the second shot in the series and then in another 6 months for the final shot. Still no news on our log in date. There have been all kinds of rumors floating around regarding whether a batch of referral are going to be sent out before Chinese New Year. It seems that the Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs shuts down for a few weeks for Chinese New Year which is January 29th this year. So this means that if referrals are not sent out by then, they will not be out until at least mid-February.

China's Lost Girls

We watched a great DVD lat night called China's Lost Girls. It is a National Geographic special/documentary hosted by Lisa Ling from the View. Lisa travels to China with a group of parents who are adopting little girls. It is very well done and digs in to some of the issues that China is currently facing and will be facing in the coming years due to their population control laws (one-child policy). One of the families is adopting a sister (a mei-mei) for their daughter that they adopted a few years before. The mother travels to the park where her first daughter was found and pins up a poster with her picture and a note that says that she has been adopted and is healthy and happily living in the United States. Oftentimes when a mother abandons her daughter she will stay around the area to make sure that her daughter is found safely. After the poster was pinned up many people gathered around, a young Chinese man who spoke English told the adoptive mother that he felt disgraced by the fact that so many babies are abandoned. He also felt concerned that when she grows up her daughter would not feel any pride for China because they abandoned her. The mother reassured the Chinese man that they were doing all they could to keep close ties between their daughter and her Chinese heritage. It was an interesting dialogue between the two of them and goes to show that the Chinese people feel embarrassed by the effects of the population control policy. Another scene in the movie that stands out was one where the families travel back to the orphanage where the babies lived for the first year of their life. One on the caretakers was crying because the adoptive mother did not take the baby back to the orphanage with her. The mother was concerned that it would be too confusing for the baby. The caretaker was hoping to see the baby one last time before she left to say goodbye. She was very upset but it showed that these babies are taken care of and loved and do form bonds with their caretakers.

Are You Concerned About the Bird /Avian Flu?

Still no new news on our Log In Date, we assume we are already logged in but just haven't been notified yet. Now another one of our Frequently Asked Questions...

Are You Concerned About the Bird /Avian Flu?

The short answer is not really, but I would be lying if I said we weren't thinking about it. When there is a newspaper article about new outbreaks we do read them with interest. Recently we have read that there have been outbreaks of the virus in parts of Europe but they seem to be pretty sporadic and have been contained. From what we understand the Avian flu currently can only be transmitted to humans by handling animals that are infected with the virus. In some parts of China people have chickens running around their yards so it is understandable that the virus is transmitted to them. I recently read an article about some children in Turkey who got the virus because they were playing with dead chicken heads. Not sure why they were playing with chicken heads but we will be sure not to do this when we travel to China. It is supposedly safe to eat chicken as long as it is cooked well so we are not too concerned about getting the virus through eating meals while in China. The big concern is that the virus could mutate into a form that could easily be transmitted through the air from human to human. If this happens there would probably be quarantines and travel bans, similar to the SARS outbreak a few years ago. The other scary point about the avian flu is that it is a much more powerful virus that the regular Influenza virus that go around every winter. The Avian flu seems to affect and sometimes kill people regardless of their age or strength of immune system. Our agency has an update on their website about the Avian flu as well and it says that the Chinese Government is pretty diligent about preventing any outbreaks of the virus. It is mandatory that if a bird is found dead an emergency team arrives in the area and whether the bird died from Avian Flu or not all birds within a ten mile radius are killed. So it is comforting that the Chinese are taking it very seriously. I have noticed that there have been a lot less news reports lately about Avian Flu so maybe the media is getting bored with it. I really think it was something that the media latched onto and blew out of proportion. But we will continue to read all we can about it and hope that it doesn't mutate into a virus that is more easily transmitted.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year!!!! No new news on the adoption, we did get an email from our agency today. The email confirms that referrals are slowing down into 2006. Not great news but we are glad to be into the new year and moving forward. Our agency did get some referrals today but for families that were logged in back in April 2005. We still do not have our log in date but we are thinking we will get it soon. We bought a digital camera for Christmas and have been have been having fun playing around with it. Here is a pic of some of the gifts we received for Grace for Christmas.

How old will Grace be when she comes home?

Hope everyone had a merry Christmas, we did. We got a few gifts for Grace for Christmas; Jen's parents gave us a cute ladybug outfit and some decorations for the nursery and Jen's brother Stephen and family gave us some stuffed animals and books. Jen cried when she opened the gifts but they were happy tears. Now, back to my promise of answering some of our frequently asked questions.

How old will Grace be when she comes home?

When we sent our application to China we requested a 6-12 month old or as young as possible. The youngest we have seen at referral is 6 months old, and we will be traveling about 2 months after referral so the youngest she would be when we bring her home is 8 months. Since Jen and I are on the young side (China requires that you are at least 30 to adopt) we expect that we will get a child that is younger, but that is not guaranteed. There is a rule we read while researching Chinese adoption that if you are over 45 you will be referred a 18 month - 3 year old. But we have seen that doesn't always hold true, most referrals are under 1 year old. They do try to honor parents requests but I think, in general, it comes down to the ages of babies that are available for adoption at the time.

Merry Christmas

No new adoption news but we have been reflecting back over the past year and are amazed at how far we have come. For us last Christmas was "rough". We had just gone through our first IVF cycle and Jen was on bed-rest so we couldn't visit with our families like we usually do. While Jen and I love being together we missed our routine that we have been going for the past few years. Our families and friends were great though, Kristen and Biren came by on Christmas Eve to hang out for a while and brought us lunch and Jen's parents came by on Christmas and brought us leftovers from their Christmas dinner. So we did get to spend some time with family and friends but there was still something missing. A few weeks later we found out that our first IVF had failed and then the next two failed as well. Through all of this pain we came to the decision that we would adopt from China. Even though this holiday season there is still something missing we know that Gracie is out there and hopefully by next Christmas we will be celebrating with her.

DTC!!!

We got some great news today, we are Dossier To China (DTC)!!!!! This means that all of the documents and forms that we have been collecting and filling out over the past few months have been authenticated, certified, translated and sent to China. This is a huge step in the process and we are very excited. Our agency tells us that in a few weeks China will send them our Log In Date (LID). This is the date that China logs our request to adopt into their database. From there the real wait starts. Our agency says that the wait time is running about 8 months from LID to referral. Referral is when we get a picture and health information about the baby that we are matched with. So if the wait stays at 8 months we should be getting our referral in August and traveling to China in October. There is a fairly good chance that the wait times could increase going forward, but we are hoping for the best and staying positive.

Why China?

We still haven't heard anything from our agency on the certification and authentication of our documents but we are coming up on the 3 weeks so we should definitely hear something this week or next. I have felt kind of guilty that I haven't been providing updates much lately but there just hasn't been anything new. After our documents are sent to China there will also be spans of time that we have no updates so we came up with an idea to keep everyone interested in our adoption process. When we tell people we are adopting or discuss the process with them there is usually some common questions that people ask us. So, what we are going to do is answer some of the common questions that we get. We do love answering questions and talking about the process so don't be afraid to ask us anything. This is just to answer some of the questions some of you wanted to ask but did not for whatever reason. I will try to do at least one question a week....The first question....

Why China?

The simple answer is because that is where our daughter is. Sounds like kind of a smart-ass answer but it is truly how we feel. I think though, when people ask us this question what they are really asking is why did we choose to adopt from China rather than the US, Russia or some other country. When we first started researching adoption we bought a book called "The Unofficial Guide to Adoption". The book basically discussed all of the options available and the pros and cons of each country. It would seem that domestic adoption would be the obvious choice and for some couples it is. For us, though, the main reason that we decided against domestic adoption is because the birth mother or father can change their mind and decide that they want that child back. For us that was a show-stopper. Most of you know that we dealt with infertility issues the past couple years and the loss of having to give up a child that we have had in our house and bonded with was something that we just did not want to deal with. We ruled out Russia because there seems to be some instability and corruption in the adoption program. Many of the Russian children are also affected by Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. We ruled out Korea because the wait is up to two years. We ruled out the South American countries because of some corruption in the adoption programs there. Adopting from China appeals to us because:

• The program has been running for over ten years, thousands of people from the US and abroad adopt from China every year. It is a well traveled, well documented path that we feel minimizes our risks.
• The need is the greatest. There are millions of little girls in China waiting to be adopted.
  The children are generally healthy. Very low incidence of fetal alcohol syndrome or HIV
• They will not give us a child that they know to be sick.
• There are great support groups like Families with Children from China that we can get involved with where our daughter can interact with other children adopted from China.
  China has such an interesting history and culture. We look forward to traveling there and learning more about it.
• The Boston area has some great resources to teach Grace about her culture. From Chinatown in Boston to all of the museums in the area that have great exhibits on China. We look forward exploring these places with Grace as she grows up so she keeps a connection with her Chinese heritage.

This doesn't mean that adopting from China is without risk. We will be dealing with and traveling to a communist country that can change the rules or close down its adoption program at any time. There is also been recent news about bird flu that concerns us a bit (I will post a question and answer about this at some point in the future). Overall though, adopting from China just seems right for us. We know the risks and are ready to deal with them.

Ultrasound

Not really much new adoption news this past week. We did get an email from our adoption agency to confirm that they got our checks for the fees. Not much else though so we assume that they are having our dossier authenticated and certified. I'll leave you with this....something we found while surfing around other adoption websites......we though it was appropriate. Jen finally has confirmation that she is "expecting"!!!

Happy Thanksgiving

We really have something to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.......We got our approval to adopt from the USCIS in the mail today!!!!! Our agency must have gotten the form from the USCIS as well because they sent us an email this afternoon congratulating us on getting approved as well as some instructions regarding what happens next. Our agency is now taking our "Dossier" of documents and having them certified and authenticated. They tell us this should take three to four weeks. With a little luck we should have our dossier sent to China by Christmas. Our agency has also suggested that we get immunized for Hepatitis A and B. This is a series of shots that take quite a few months to complete so they suggest we start now. These immunizations are not mandatory but we are probably going to do them anyway. The only other thing left for us to do is pay our agency and China Center for Adoption Affairs fees. Adoption isn't cheap but we feel it is such a small price to pay for the joy we will get when we bring our daughter home.

Family Car

We've decided to jump into this "we're going to be parents soon" thing head first and bought ourselves a station wagon. But this isn't your daddy's station wagon with the wood-grain side panels. We got a Volvo V50 Sport wagon.

We haven't felt real comfortable with our Saturn (which we traded in) and didn't like the idea of driving our child around in car that is made of plastic. We got one of the left-over 2005 models so we got a really good deal on it. Not much new news related directly to the adoption. We are still waiting for our I171 form from the USCIS. These forms seem to take anywhere from 2 to 8 weeks to process. We are at the 2 week point today so we are hoping to get the form by the end of the month. Our adoption agency posted a message on their website last week that the wait time for referrals has increased from 6-7 months to 7-8 months. They didn't give a reason for the increase just that they expect longer wait times into 2006. It is a little frustrating to hear this but in the big scheme of things a couple extra months isn't really that big of a deal.

Assembly Required

We got the replacement parts for the crib in the mail yesterday and finished assembling it today. The new replacement parts package came with a new set of instructions which was slightly different than the original instructions as well as having some spare hardware that went unused. We did finally figure it out though but it took far longer than the 45 minutes that the instructions said it would take. We needed to arrange the furniture a little differently than we planned because the room is on the small side and the furniture is a little bigger than we expected but we are very happy with the way it looks.

Baby Furniture

Busy day today, the baby furniture was delivered this morning and we are very happy with it. We started to put the crib together but found that the assembly instructions are wrong and/or we are missing some parts. We called Jordan's Furniture and they are sending us out some replacement parts so we should be up and running next week. This afternoon we went into Boston to get our fingerprints done at the USCIS. It was a pretty cool process. It is all computerized and as they take your prints they come up on a screen and then are transmitted immediately to the FBI. In about 4-6 weeks we should get our approval form from them. Once we get this form back everything goes back out to our adoption agency and they have our forms authenticated and translated and then send them off to China. So if everything goes according to schedule we should be traveling to China late summer early fall 2006.

Fingerprinting

We are pretty impressed with the USCIS. We got a letter in the mail today to come in for our fingerprints!! We thought it would be an appointment for a specific date and time but it says we can come in anytime within a two week period. We are planning to go in this Saturday depending on what time the baby furniture gets delivered. This is good news as we didn't expect to get in for our fingerprinting for at least a couple weeks

USCIS

We mailed out our I600A form to the USCIS this afternoon. According to their website they process these adoption forms on an accelerated basis so hopefully we will hear back from them soon. From this point forward we will be waiting on other people or agencies to process our documentation. This is a little frustrating as we feel like we have no control. But I guess all the delays in the process happen for a reason. There is a little baby girl out there somewhere (probably not even born yet) that is meant to be our daughter, if the process went any faster or slower she would not be placed with us.

Homestudy

We got our approved homestudy document back from our agency on Friday. Our next step in the process is to send the homestudy document, the I600-A form and copies of our birth and marriage certificates to the USCIS(INS). Once they get our documents they will set up an appointment for us to come into Boston to get our fingerprints taken. The fingerprints are sent to the FBI for background checks on us. Once we check out OK, they will send us another form called the I171 which is our official document giving us permission to bring our daughter into the country. The I600-A form is interesting, it is 6 pages long, the first 4 pages are instructions about how to fill out the form. We also recently found out that the fee for filing the form will increase by $20 on Wednesday. We are planning to delay filing the form until Wednesday and pay the increased fee so we don't have to rush and try to get it in by the deadline. Hopefully we will get our approved I171 sometime in late November to early December.

Chinese Culture Workshop

Will this rain ever stop.....We attended a Chinese Culture Workshop at the Boston Children's Museum today. This was an event that was sponsored by our adoption agency and an organization called Families with Children from China. There were about 100 people there, all at different stages of the adoption process and some that have had their little girls home for many years. It was nice to talk to these couples and hear about their experiences and have someone who can relate to what we are going through. In the morning, a professor of Chinese Studies gave us a presentation on the 4000 year history of China, this was a little condensed as the presentation took about 45 minutes. Then a Chinese Language teacher gave us a quick speaking lesson. She mostly taught us phrases that will be helpful when we travel to China such as "where is the bathroom". We butchered all of the pronunciations and don't remember any of them but we have handouts that we can refer back to before we travel. They were supposed to have a catered Chinese lunch but that didn't happen and we just had sandwiches. After lunch they gave each table a Chinese object which they had to learn about and then tell the rest of the groups what the object was used for. Our table was given some Chinese New Year decorations that give the families luck for the year. The last event of the day was a showing of a Chinese movie called "To Live". This was the story of a regular guy in modern China. It had subtitles but from what we could tell it was a drama/comedy. Wo zou le. Zaijan....That means goodbye.

Homestudy is almost complete

Our social worker sent us our completed home study document earlier this week for us to review. We had a few corrections to make and Jen met with her today to go over those corrections. She is now sending the document to our adoption agency so that they can review and sign it and then we get it back. We assume at this point we have been approved but I guess it is official when we get the signed form back from our agency. Once we get it back we send it along with a few other documents and forms to USCIS to get approval to adopt from the US government. Woohoo!!!!! Things seem like they are really moving now.

Last Homestudy Meeting

We had our last (we think) home study meeting today with our social worker. We gave her all of the forms and documentation that we have filled out and collected over the past couple months. She was pretty impressed with how fast we have gotten everything together, most people take much longer I guess. We still have a couple forms we are waiting on that we will hopefully get in within the next week or so. Once everything is turned in our social worker will give us our home study document and then we can apply to the US Immigration Service to get permission to bring our daughter into the country. We also got a call yesterday that our baby furniture is in and will be delivered on November 5th.

Big 30

We reached an important milestone in the adoption process today. Jen turned 30, this is important because China requires that we are both at least 30 in order to adopt. Our agency allowed us to start the process before Jen's 30th birthday but we would not be able to send our info to China until her birthday. We are still waiting on a few more documents to come back once we get them we can schedule our final homestudy appointment.

Closing a door

We had our follow up meeting today with our doctor from the Fertility Center. This meeting was just to discuss the results of our last failed IVF. We were a little nervous going into the meeting knowing that we would be telling the doctor we would not be continuing with fertility treatments for a while. He took the news really well, congratulated us and seemed genuinely excited for us. He told us a story of a conference he went to where there was a plane full of couples coming back from China with their little girls, and they were all so cute. He is surprised though that IVF hasn't worked for us yet. The next steps, if we decide to continue with treatments in the future, would be chromosomal testing on the embryos to test for abnormalities. They would perform a normal IVF cycle but do a biopsy on the embryos before transfer and only transfer the best ones. We had a good feeling coming out of the meeting knowing that we were closing out that chapter and moving forward with the adoption. We know that it is something that we can go back to and maybe the technology will be better when/if we are ready to try again.

Jen's Home Study Meeting

Today Jen had her individual home study appointment at Panera. It also went really well. I spent about an hour and 40 minutes talking with the social worker. We had a lot to discuss since my family is so big, there were many topics to cover. She thinks I am a very fortunate person to have such a loving and wonderful family and I agree. We talked about the same issues she covered with Steve and it was tough to come up with areas of disagreements, usually they include shoes, football or cats!! Next steps are getting the last few documents signed and sent in and then wait for the homestudy document to be compiled.

Steve's Home Study Meeting

Steve had his individual home study appointment today, it went really well. We met at the Panera Bakery in North Andover. She basically took the autobiography that I wrote and used it as a guide to discuss aspects of my life; childhood, school years, college, career and the relationship between Jen and I. She wanted to know how Jen and I resolve conflicts, that was an easy one because we don't have any, just kidding. We discussed the death of my father and the death of a friend of mine. Also discussed some happier things like why I think I will be a good parent and some of the things I like to do as an individual. The meeting lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes. After the home study I had to go across the street to my doctor for an appointment to get a physical to prove that I am healthy enough to parent a child. The physical was pretty basic but I have to get some blood work done to make sure I don't have HIV and about 17 other diseases, I guess this is a requirement from China.

Notary Public Fun

Who would have though that finding a notary public would be the most difficult task for us thus far? Jen spent this week making phone calls to notary publics trying to find one to sign a couple of documents for us. We finally realized that our bank has a notary on premises and she was able to take care of it for us tonight. These documents were additional background checks and some legal documents for CAWLI. We are pretty much done with the bulk of the paperwork for now. We need to get our physical/health forms completed, which should be complete within a week or two.

CORI Checks

Mailed out our forms today for our CORI checks. These are just background checks to ensure that we don't have criminal records. We also sent out the forms to the people that we have asked to provide references for us.

First Home Study Meeting

We had our first home study appointment today, it went very well. We first sat down and discussed some of the paperwork that we need to turn in. Then she asked about our reasons for adopting and specifically adopting from China. She also asked us some mandatory questions from INS regarding child abuse, drug abuse and alcohol abuse. Then we gave her a tour of our house, we think she liked it. We spent the last few days cleaning and Steve spent all weekend repairing the patio but she didn't even go out onto the deck. Lucy was even fairly well behaved, she initially jumped up onto the table a few times and came inches away from drinking from her glass but we stopped her in time. So we dodged a bullet on that one. We then banished her to the basement for the rest of the home study. The meeting lasted for about an hour and fifteen minutes. Our next steps are our individual home study interviews, Steve's is on September 15th and Jen's on the 19th.

Social Worker Called...

We got a call from our social worker today. Our first home study appointment is scheduled for next Tuesday. We will probably be spending the next few days cleaning up the house and yard.

Intake Meeting

We attended our Intake Meeting today at the CAWLI office. It was basically just a meeting to go over all of the forms we have to fill out and answer any questions we had. We also gave them our first big check to pay for our home study and post placement services. We should be getting a call from our social worker next week sometime to set up our first meeting. We can now start digging in and filling out some of these forms.

Baby Furniture Shopping

To take advantage of the Massachusetts tax-free day this upcoming weekend we decided to pre-order our baby furniture. We picked out a crib, changing table and dresser, probably won't be delivered for at least 2 -3 months. This is the set, but we chose a caramel finish rather than white. We also got started on our paperwork; we have written our autobiographies and have dug out our past three years of tax returns.

Intake Package

We received our Intake Package from CAWLI today. It is huge, 43 pages of documents and forms that we need to fill out to complete the adoption. We have a meeting on August 17th at the CAWLI office for our Intake Interview where they will explain the intake package to us. Thanks to everyone for the positive feedback and words of encouragement that you gave us on the guest book. It is really nice to get so much support from all of you.

Our Story

We are Steve and Jen. We met in May 1997 and were married July 28, 2001. After a couple years of being married we decided it was time to start a family. After almost a year of trying on our own with no luck we decided to get some help from a fertility specialist. Six IUIs and two IVFs later we decided that starting a family was what was important to us. We planned to try one more IVF and in the meantime look into adoption. The Third IVF did not work, and as much as it hurt we have so much to look forward to in getting our little girl from China.

After all of the heartbreak that we had been through with the failed fertility treatments we decided that domestic adoption was not a good fit for us. We did not feel comfortable with open adoptions where the birth mother still has a role your child's life. The birth mother can also change her mind and decide that she wants the child back after he/she has been in your home and has attached (this seems to happen very often). We've had so much loss lately that we would hate to have an adoption interrupted or wait longer since the wait can sometimes take years.

Through our research we both separately decided that Chinese adoption was really calling out to us. The more research we did, the more Chinese adoption just seemed right. There are hundreds of thousands of infant girls abandoned in China every year. There are many myths surrounding the abandonment of these little girls. It is a complicated issue that has a lot to do with China's population control (one child policy) as well as a cultural bias favoring boys. This bias comes from the fact that when a boy grows up he is expected to care for his elderly parents. A Chinese girl grows up, marries and is expected to care for her husband's parents.
The process of adopting from China should take us about a year if everything goes well. We have found an local agency called China Adoptions with Love that we will be working with. We found this agency through an article we read in the Boston Globe about a couple who used them to adopt from China. Read the article here.

The following are the steps that we will be going through in this process

• Attend Orientation - Done
• Apply to the Agency - Done
• Attend Intake Interview - Done
• Home Study - Social Worker will visit us in our home to decide if we are fit to parent - Done
• Apply to USCIS - This is a US gov't agency that decides if we can bring a child into the country - Done
• Get criminal background checks and fingerprinting- Done
• CAWLI takes the dossier of documentation completed above, authenticates them, translates them to Chinese and sends them off to China- Done
• At this stage we will be considered dossier to China (DTC) and the wait is about 8** months to get a referral- Done
• Referral - we will get a picture and some basic information about our little girl.
  Travel to China - 4 - 6 weeks after getting our referral we will travel to China to get Grace. We will be there for about 2 weeks. Usually includes sightseeing, travel to province to get our daughter, travel to Shiamen Island to the consulate to finalize everything and then go home.

We plan to request a six - twelve month old (this is the youngest we can request) but there are no guarantees on the age. In general the Chinese adoptees are in good health and transition well into American families. The process will be a long and bumpy road but having our little Gracie will make it all worthwhile.

**At the time we started this process the wait was about 8 month. By the time we get our referral we will have waited 27 months. More than three times longer than we initially thought.

A negative and a positive

Today is a happy and a sad day. We learned this afternoon that our third IVF has failed. As much as this hurts we were waiting for this outcome to apply to CAWLI to start the adoption process. The application will go out in the mail tomorrow

Our Timeline for Grace

6/29/2005 -Attended orientation at CAWLI

7/31/2005 - Sent application to CAWLI

8/17/2005 - Attended intake meeting at CAWLI

8/30/2005 - First Home Study Meeting

9/15/2005 - Steve's Individual Home Study Meeting

9/19/2005 -Jen's Individual Home Study Meeting

9/29/2005 - Final Home Study Appointment

10/12/2005 -Received preliminary Home Study

10/23/2005 -Received completed Home Study

10/26/2005 - Mailed I600A to USCIS

11/5/2005 - Got Fingerprinted

11/23/2005 - Received USCIS approval

12/14/2005 - Dossier sent to China (DTC)

1/5/2006 - Log In Date (LID)

4/28/2006 - Received Brown Envelope

6/4/2006 - Attended Parent Travel Advisory Group Meeting at CAWLI

10/25/2006 - Home Study Update Complete

11/3/2006 - Through Review Room

12/27/2006 - Mailed USCIS to request re-fingerprinting appointment

1/23/2007 - Got Re-Fingerprinted

4/2/2007 - Mailed I600A renewal to USCIS

4/11/2007 - Received new USCIS approval

7/16/2007 - Received 2nd Brown Envelope

10/20/2007 - 2nd Home Study Update Complete

2/20/2008 - Mailed USCIS to request re-fingerprinting appointment

2/18/2008 - Got Re-fingerprinted again

4/4/2008 - Referral Day

4/7/2008 - Mailed Visa application

4/28/2008 - Received Travel Approval

4/30/2008 - Recieved Visas

5/22/2008 - Leave for China

5/26/2008 - Family Day!!!!!

6/4/2008 - Home

CAWLI Orientation

We attended the orientation at China Adoptions with Love today. It was a really good experience. Because of all of the research that we did we didn't really learn anything new but we felt really prepared for what we will be embarking upon. Interesting cross-section of couples at the orientation. We were definitely the youngest couple there and were surprised to learn that most of the couples already had children at home. We went out to a great Chinese food restaurant across the street afterwards.