DTC Group Get Together

We got together this afternoon with our DTC Group. These are the people from our Adoption Agency who have the same Log In Date as we do so we will be traveling to China together. Some of the couples are going to adopt their second child and brought their little ones to the get together. It gave us a little hope that there really will be a child at the end of this journey. We had a lot of fun and it was great to talk to a group of people in the same situation as we are who really understand what we are going through. The consensus at the get together seemed to be that we will get our referral in November and travel in January. Not much news on the next batch of referrals. There is a chance that they will arrive this week but we also heard that there is a Chinese Holiday this week so the CCAA may be off for part of the week. So next week is probably more likely for referrals arriving.

Quilting

We are closing in on the time of the month when rumors start flying around regarding how far they are going to get with the next batch of referrals. There is nothing out there yet though, we just hoping they get through more that just two days like the last batch. Jen was on vacation last week so she was able to get started on Grace's quilt. I posted a picture below of all of the squares laid out on our dining room table. We got a nice little surprise the last couple days as well. The sun!!! After a week of rain and some snow last Sunday it looks like Spring may have finally arrived in New England. Sunshine and warm weather always helps to lift our spirits.

CCAA April Update

The rumors were true, they did only refer 2 days worth of Log In Dates. The update from the CCAA website is below. The odd thing was our agency got 20 referrals, which is a lot for them since they are a small agency. I went back though all of our emails from them for the past 15 months and the average number of referrals per month that they have received is 8.2. I also read on one of the adoption forums that some other small agencies got more referrals than they usually do. So it is possible that the 25th and the 26th were really heavy days and things will get back to normal next month. We will just have to wait and see. I have a feeling though that we are in for some small batches the next few months. We did get a little surprise in the mail on Wednesday, our USCIS approval. They got the document back to us pretty quickly this time although they got our address wrong. Our agency told us not to worry about it so I guess we will leave it as is. Not much else going on here, were are dealing with the ever extending wait as best we can and just hope that things will stabilize a bit soon. Needless to say, this was a rough week for us and all of the other waiting families.

Comparing The Years

This past Thursday marked 15 months since our Log In date. Referrals didn't arrive last week as we expected. They are expected to arrive early this week but we may be in for some bad news. Rumors are that they only referred 2 days worth of Log In Dates. We haven't heard anything official from our agency or the CCAA but it is looking like it may be true. If it is true we hope it is just an anomaly this month but it will most likely push us out to traveling in 2008. I compiled an interesting table below that starts with the first date that they started referring less than a month, which is when the slowdown in referrals started. I compared the number of days referred last year to this year and interestingly every month except January has very similar number of days referred. It really slowed down on the March 2006 referral date when they only referred 5 days. This corresponds to this next referral batch which may be for only 2 days. This probably is all just coincidental but if last year's pattern continues this year we could be in for a couple months of small batches of referrals.

USCIS Update

We finally got all of our paperwork together for our USCIS approval. That will go out in the mail on Monday. We have heard that approvals for renewals from the Boston office are coming back pretty fast so we expect we will hear something back within a couple weeks. Rumors are that referrals will be coming in early this week and that they may cover up to very early November. Early November would be good but we are just hoping that they get to at least October 31st. This week we also created a new page on this site with all of the books related to adoption and China that we have read. We wrote up a quick review of each book and will be updating with other books as we get through them. You can get to the page by clicking Book Reviews link on the right.

More USCIS stuff

We are making some progress on getting our paperwork together to renew our USCIS approval. We have been dragging our feet a little but we have some time to get the application in so it is no big deal. The first time around we made extra copies of all of our documents so we can just use those to renew, so that should save us some time. Since we are nearing the end of the month referrals should be out soon. We don't expect to hear anything this week, most likely next week or the week after. We are tempering our enthusiasm for this batch as the last 7 days in October have many families logged in so we are hoping they get through at least October 31st. November is rumored to be a big month as well so we are expecting the next 3 - 5 batches to be smaller than normal.

China Ghosts - My Daughter's Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood

China Ghosts - My Daughter's Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood

by Jeff Gammage

In China Ghosts the author tells the story of how he became a father to a daughter from China from three distinct perspectives. The first part, as he and his wife paperchase for their daughter, describes how he was initially very happy living a childless life. He saw no need to give up his freedom and take on the responsibility of a child. But to appease his wife he agrees to adopt a baby girl from China. His perception changes drastically once he receives his referral picture and travels to China to finally meet his daughter. The second perspective is when the author begins to bond with his daughter and finds a part of himself that he didn't know existed. He finds himself a changed man, not just that his life has changed now that he is a father but a profound love that has changed his very soul. The third and probably most interesting part of the book is when the author explores some of his conflicting feelings about his daughter's adoption. He is very grateful for the gift that China has given him but at the same time realized that the adoption of his daughter has caused great pain for his daughter's birth family and ultimately for his daughter who most likely will never have the chance to meet them. Most books about adoption from China are written by women so it was nice to read something from a male point of view for a change. I would definitely recommend reading this book, it is very well written and a pretty easy read.

Wild Swans

Wild Swans

by Jung Chang

In Wild Swans, Chang tells the autobiographical story of three generations of Chinese women, her Grandmother, a warlord's concubine, her mother, a high level communist official and herself and their struggles throughout the 20th century. The story focuses mostly on Chang's family struggle and persecutions throughout the cultural revolution where, prior to, her parents held powerful positions. Through Chairman Mao's policies this powerful family suffered greatly so it is unimaginable how much peasants must have suffered at this time. Through the book the author tries to tow the communist party line but slowly begins to realize that it is her own government that is causing the suffering that she has seen and and has endured. Toward the end of the book, after Mao's death, the government starts to open up a bit and the author leaves China to attend university in England where she she still resides and is currently the director of Chinese studies at London University. This book is not really an easy read but it really gives you a sense of the struggles that even this politically connected family endured during the very recent past. Makes you really feel for what the peasants had to deal with during this time.

River Town

River Town

by Peter Hessler

River town is the story of a Peace Corps volunteer, Peter Hessler, who travels to Fuling China to teach English in a local college. Peter is the first Westerner to live in Fuling in over 50 years. He is met with much curiosity in his travels around town while getting to know the local customs and culture. In time though he is able to immerse himself in the town and becomes good friends with some locals and many of his students. Much of the book centers around his classes and interactions with his students as well as his interactions with locals in Fuling and other cites he travels to during his time off. This book is a pretty easy read, Peter has good writing style and injects quite a bit of humor into some of the uncomfortable situations he gets himself into. One of the more interesting aspects of the book is the difference in Chinese and Western teaching styles. As Peter tries to nurture his students and get them to think for themselves and question common Chinese beliefs his Chinese tutor shows him the Chinese way of teaching by giving him a stern 'Budui' (wrong) whenever he mispronounces a word. It is a great study on many of the differences of Western and Chinese culture. The author has written another book on China called "Oracle Bones" which is on our "To Read" list.

Will The Boat Sink The Water?

Will The Boat Sink The Water?

by Chen Guidi and Wu Chuntao

We bought this book as light reading for our last trip to Jamaica, it wasn't so light. The book is written by two Chinese journalists and has been translated into English, the translation is good but the subject matter is pretty heavy. The book was banned in China but is said to have sold 10 million copies on the black market. The authors travel throughout their home province of Anhui to see how the peasants are fairing through China's recent newfound prosperity. What they find isn't good. The book tells through a series of stories how various peasants feel that they are being treated unjustly mostly due to over taxation and try to go up the local government chain of command to get their issues resolved. They are met with jail time, beatings and even death. To be honest, I did not enjoy reading this book, although I think it does show some of the hardships that Chinese peasants must deal with on a daily basis and shows haw far China has yet to come to become a truly modern society.

The Good Earth

The Good Earth

by Pearl S. Buck

"The Good Earth" tells the story of a peasant farmer and his family living in China in the early 1900s. The story begins as the main character, Wang Lung is about to get married to a servant named O-Lan working for the local landlord. The young married couple are very poor but through hard work they are able to acquire some land and become relatively prosperous. They have a few children and life soon gets difficult when famine hits. The family most go south to find food and work. They find themselves begging and doing menial jobs to just scrape by. The country is embroiled in a revolution at the time as well so Wang must be careful not to get caught and forced to fight in the military. The family gets caught up in an uprising of local peasants who loot a rich family's home. They find coins and jewels and are able to get back home to their land. With their looted coins and jewels they are able to buy more land and eventually buy the house where O-Lan worked as a servant. Toward the end of the story Wang Lung is so prosperous that he no longer has to work his farm and lives the life of a rich man. He takes some concubines which causes problems with his wife and children. It is sad to read throughout the book how O-Lan is treated but I think it is probably pretty realistic to how women were treated at this time. This book was written in the 1930s but we really enjoyed it. It won a Pulitzer prize and recently was rediscovered by many on Oprah's book club. The book was also made into a movie in 1937. Due to the lack of Chinese actors at the time the main characters were cast as Americans but it was still pretty good. The author of the book, Pearl S. Buck grew up in China but went to college in the United States. Interestingly, she founded the first international interracial adoption clinic in the United States. The book was re-released in 1935 as a trilogy called the House of Earth. The two sequels are called Sons and A House Divided. I have yet to read them but they are on my "to read" list.

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

by Richard Ferber, M.D.

I think I first heard about "Ferberizing" a child in the movie "Meet the Fockers" where they sort of exaggerate the methodology with DeNiro's character. The basis of this methodology is to allow the child to teach herself to fall to sleep without the help of the parents. This involves letting the child cry a little longer every night until she can sleep through the night without any intervention of the parents. For us, we will be trying to create attachment and a bond with Grace so the Ferber method is contrary to attachment parenting. We cannot let just let Grace cry as this would not foster her trust in us. With that being said, I think once we feel Grace has formed an attachment we may be able to use some of his approach as we see fit. Some parts of the book are a bit dry when he discusses the stages of sleep. There are some good sections on night terrors (what they are and how to handle them). Overall, I thought the book had some good information. I probably will need to reread sections of the book when we have Grace home and are actually dealing with sleep problems.

Are Those Kids Yours?

Are Those Kids Yours?

by Cheri Register

Apparently, "Are Those Kids Yours" is a question many parents with children adopted from other countries hear when out with their children. The answer of course is a simple "Yes". But that question says a lot about how families created through international adoption are perceived in our society. The book was written by a mother of two children adopted from Korea. In the book she examines the ethical issues surrounding international adoption and the importance of teaching them about the heritage and culture of their birth country. She uses experiences she encountered raising her children to illustrate some of the joys and and challenges families formed through international adoption will face.

The Waiting Child

The Waiting Child

by Cindy Champnella

A friend of Jen's mom sent us this book after learning that we were in the process of adopting from China. This is a really amazing story of a family that adopts a four year old girl named Jaclyn. From the moment Jaclyn learns to communicate with her new family she begins to lobby them to get "her baby". Her Baby was a younger little boy back in her orphanage who she protected and took care of. I won't ruin the ending but will say it is a really sweet story that shows the unbelievable spirit of little Jaclyn.

USCIS Renewal

We got an email from our agency this week with instructions for renewing our USCIS approval. It is pretty much the same process as the first time around only this this time it should be easier as we have all the documents we need, we just need to make copies of them. We are hoping to get it all together and sent out within a week or two. Jen is also getting ready to start working on Grace's 100 good wishes quilt. She went out this weekend and picked up a book on quilting and is trying to decide on the design. Just a reminder if you want to send us a quilt square and haven't yet make sure you get it to us by April 1st.

14 Months

We reached another milestone in our adoption journey last Monday, 14 months since our Log In Date. Referrals came in on Monday as well. Our agency received six referrals, the CCAA also updated their website that they have matched families with Log in Dates up to October 24th. We are slowly creeping closer to our referral. Based on current projections it is still looking like we may get our referral by the end of the summer. Although November is suspected to have a bit more Log in Dates than the past few months so it may take longer to get through, which would push our referral into the fall. That means we could be traveling to China around the holidays, Christmas in China sounds good to us. Update from the CCAA website is below:

Paradise

Back to reality today. We spent the past week at the Sunset at the Palms resort in Negril, Jamaica. This is the same resort we went to last winter and we had such a good time we had to go back. Since we were return guests management went out of their way to make us happy. One night they left a bottle of Champagne in our room and on our last night there we were invited to a special dinner with management and two other couples who were return visitors as well. One thing we like about the resort is it isn't really child friendly, so there really aren't a bunch of kids running around screaming and splashing in the water. Not that we don't like kids we just wanted some quiet time for a romantic vacation. One thing we decided before we left was that we weren't going to discuss our pending adoption with other people at the resort. Since this vacation was about us we didn't want to spend our time educating people about Chinese adoption, also you never know what people may say that we might find offensive so we decided we would just not mention it to anyone. This was a little difficult as we hung out a bit with another really nice couple who mentioned in passing that they had friends who were in the process of adopting from China but we kept our mouths shut. We spent most of the time on the beach, at the pool or stuffing our faces with food. We took one trip off the resort to go shopping and to Rick's Cafe where people jump off a huge cliff into the water. Neither Jen nor I took the plunge. Another highlight of the trip was our visit to the Office of Nature (or as Jen decided to rename it The Ministry of Magic). This was just a bunch of local Rastafarians who set up on the beach and sell crafts and will catch fresh lobster and grill them up for you on a sea wood grill. The lobster was so good. Was nice to get out of the resort and hang out with and have a beer with some of the locals. Some pics of our excursions are below.....

Checking out for a little while to recharge the batteries.......

Quilting last call

Not much new with the adoption this week. The middle of the month is usually quiet as far as rumors about the next batch so we just patiently wait. Jen is getting ready to start working on the 100 Good Wished Quilt for Grace. So if anyone hasn't yet sent us a square and wish get it to us before April 1st. You can get the details about the Quilt on the link on the right. If there is anyone who reads this website and wants to swap quilt squares just post your email address to our guest book and we will get in touch for contact info.

CCAA February Update

Referrals arrived last Thursday, they covered families with Log In Dates up to October 13th. This means that they did Sixteen days worth of Log In Dates which is good. There was week in this batch where there were no Log In Dates because the CCAA was on vacation for the Moon Festival. But there was also a day with more than normal Log In Dates so It looks like it pretty much balances out. The big question this month is when referrals will come out. Chinese New Year is February 18th and the CCAA will be on vacation for two weeks. So that means they either have to get the next batch out really quick or wait until after the holiday which may push things back a little. This week (Monday) we are celebrating 13 months since our Log in Date. Not really doing anything to celebrate, just nice to reach another milestone. The people that just got their referrals last week waited about 16 months. This makes it seem like we are getting close but an additional month gets tacked on every two months so we think our wait will end up being 18 months, give or take a month. The CCAA website update is below: