Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Guess it had to happen eventually

Jen had her first awkward interaction today with a stranger asking personal questions about our family. We usually get a lot of attention when we go anywhere with Grace and most people probably just assume a caucasian couple with and asian baby, she must be adopted. But until today nobody has asked. I guess things get a little more complicated when just one of us is out with Grace as our spouse could be Asian. So today Jen is at the doctor's office (not Grace's regular doctor) and heads up to the receptionist.....it went something like this:

Receptionist: Can I ask you a question?

Jen: (Thinking: this is gonna go downhill fast) Yes

Receptionist: Is she yours?

Jen: Yes, she is mine (hoping the converation will end here)

Receptionist: Oh, is her father Asian?

Jen: No (again hoping this will end the conversation)

Receptionist: Oh, is she (whispers) "adopted" ?

Jen: Yes, But she is ours.

Receptionist: Oh, of course........

The whole whispering the word "adopted" is what really bothers us. Grace being adopted is not something to be ashamed of that needs to be whispered. It is not like we are (or could) hide her adoption from her. Whisper it and maybe she won't know that she is adopted. I also don't get why some people think they have the right to ask personal questions of strangers. It is one thing for someone considering adoption to ask questions about the process, etc. But to ask just a stranger personal questions just because you are nosey is a little over the line.

But I really can't stay angry about anything for too long when I have this to come home to....and "Yes, she is ours".

10 comments:

mumma to many said...

Hi
One thing often we do is say yes her father is Asian. Because he is. That fact she doesn't live with him but her Daddy then does it matter?
After living with these questions now for 4 years and 13 years when our son arrived at 6 months oh he looks just like you! Yeah right I died my hair about 3 years after he came home and people said to me was that to look more like him! No It was to hide the grey/White hairs!
I often leave people thinking and I also use the line "That is a family issue and it isn't anyone else's business"
It will be one of many you get just remember that Grace is there and really it is no one's else's business!
Hugs Ruth in NZ

Norma said...

all these years later and we still get it. the girls are used to it and we talk about about it. most of the time we hardly even notice people looking and trying to figure it out. the vast majority of folks mean well and i only ever have been irritated once or twice.......and we make comments when we see families like ours and even sometimes stop and chat.sometimes i just say her father IS Asian not mentioning that it's her bio father.

Terri and Rich said...

She is just sooo cute!! I was out with my little "Asian beauty" today and every time we go out it is like she is a movie star or something. People come up and constantly comment on her beauty and today was no different except for the lady than preceded to ask if she was adopted which I said yes and then she wanted to know how much we "paid" for her. I did answer her with a vague figure but than later was mad at myself for even giving her an answer. That is very personal question and I need to come up with a good answer for that question. Once I calmed down I realize the lady was otherwise very nice and maybe she was interested in adopting also and wanted to know the cost? who knows but some people's questions are just so fustrating and personal. I am normally very easy going and "let things slide" but when it comes to my child I seem to be a bit more sensitive and protective. I just have to realize that our city is NOT very diverse when it comes to other cultures. We are what you call a very "white" city. I don't think people would be so curious if we lived in California but who knows. Keep up the pictures I love them!!

Terri

Anonymous said...

UUUGGGGGGGHHHHH!!! to the first part!!

And as Steve said most importantly,
Now for the picture... I love the new hairdo!!!! Too cute!!!!!

Liz

Anonymous said...

That receptionist is a jerk.
People like that know exactly what they are saying and doing.
If i were Jen, I would have quipped "What?..Why?...Is yours?
A good response to a nosey question that doesn't deserve an answer is "Pardon me? I know you wouldn't have just asked me such a personal question..."
puts them right back on their heels.
I just can't stand jerks...

Anonymous said...

And I was so irritated with that receptionist that i forgot to say that your daughter is absolutely beautiful - what a lovely family you have!
congratulations,
peace,
kath

Wendy said...

Sorry that happened to you... We've been very lucky.. although some people have been very blunt about asking us were she's from etc. They are alway interested in hearing about our journey to larkyn and have never made us feel adoptions was something to whisper about...

Wendy

Caroline said...

What a stinky conversation. As if her adoption is anything to be ashamed of! Sometimes I think adoptive parents should be issued with Tazers to stop conversations like that in their tracks. (Well okay maybe that is a BIT drastic). Sorry this happened. But so glad for all three of you that you do 100% belong to each other!

Mike and Rhonda said...

I dread this happening to us! I want to be a hero for my daughter (because she will always be watching my reactions). I do not want to alienate but rather educate those that are ignorant of the situation. It is tough but, I am sure that we will learn how to handle this delicate situation.

I think you guys did wonderful!

Anonymous said...

Okay that pic with Steve and the pigtails (on Grace of course) is craziness! OMG! She is seriously a princess. Do you think she'll make the next olympics? Maybe there will be a beauty contest by then? Receptionist? What receptionist? You should have said 'Are you talkin' to ME?' or 'No she isn't mine, I just stole her from a woman in the waiting room' or 'Dude, haven't you noticed, she has my HAIR!! and my eyes, etc'.. oh, I could go on forever w/these comments'... how about 'I've been waiting for ignorant people like you to ask such personal questions.. because I have a lot of quick answers for ya, give me a minute while I pull out the list...' Tammy M