March Referrals

We got an email from our adoption agency yesterday stating that they received no referrals this month and that the China Center for Adoption Affairs has sent out only five days worth of referrals. They are now up to May 30th. This is a definite slowdown in the amount of referrals sent out this month. When we started the adoption process they were sending referral groups out by the month and the groups have gotten progressively smaller. They are telling us that the wait is now at 11 months. That would give us our referral in December. Seems like every month we take one step forward and one step back. Not really sure of the reason for the slowdown. There are a lot of rumors out there, one being that less babies are being abandoned in China. If this is true then that is great news for China and the babies, but we can't help being a little bit selfish and wish the process would speed up for us. There were rumors earlier in the week that there was going to be a small group of referral this month so we kind of expected it.

You may have noticed that there are some advertisements on some of the pages here. I signed up for google ads, so if you click on the ads we will earn money. Not sure exactly how much money we get but it will probably not be enough to pay for Grace's college education.

Jen also went out this week and bought a new rug for Gracie's room at Pottery Barn Kids. Here are some pictures of the rug and the light that we bought last week.

Attaching in Adoption

Attaching in Adoption

by Deborah D. Gray

One of the big concerns with children adopted from orphanages is proper attachment and bonding. Babies raised in an orphanage will not always have a mother at her beck and call to meet her needs and build a loving, trusting relationship. This book explores the challenges that adoptive parents must work through in order to create that secure bond and attachment with an adopted child. The book explores in detail what attachment is and why it is important. Techniques are provided to help parents facilitate attachment and bonding with an adopted child. The book also covers some scary topics that we hopefully won't encounter such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Reactive Attachment Disorder. Each topic covered book is interspersed with scenarios to illustrate potential attachment issues and provide suggested solutions. I have heard many adoptive parents say that if you read one book on adoption this should be the one you read.

The Lost Daughters Of China

The Lost Daughters Of China

by Karin Evans

This was one of our favorite books we have read during the adoption process. Another must read for all Chinese adoptive parents. The book is very well written, almost poetic at times. This is one of the more "feel good" books that we read. The author tells her and her husband's story of adopting from China from the paper chase to coming home with her daughter. She intersperses the story with narratives of Chinese history and culture. She also tries to convey within the book what circumstances could lead a mother to abandon her child. This is something hard for us to understand but a reality for many living in China. Since this is one of the first books that we purchased it has been almost 2 years since we read this book. Definitely another book that we will re-read at some point.

A Passage to the Heart - Writings from Families with Children from China

A Passage to the Heart - Writings from Families with Children from China

edited by Amy Katzkin

This book is a series of essays written by members of Families with Children from China. The stories discuss the joys and challenges of adopting a child from China. Sections include the Wait (we could write a whole book on that topic), Settling In, Development, Race and Identity. This book definitely has a more feel-good vibe to it but some of the articles will be a bit of a tear jerker. Definitely another must read for parents adopting from China.

Wanting A Daughter, Needing A Son - Abandonment, Adoption and Orphanage Care in China

Wanting A Daughter, Needing A Son - Abandonment, Adoption and Orphanage Care in China

by Kay Ann Johnson and Amy Klatzkin

This book is a must read for parents adopting a child from China. This is not an easy read, it is really a series of research papers written by a College Professor and an editor of books on Chinese Studies who both also happen to be mothers of girls adopted from China. Since the book is a collection of research papers written over a period of time there is a bit of repetition but you do get a good sense of how adoption in China has changed over the years. But as I mentioned it is a tough read, most of the book has footnotes throughout which you need to flip to the back of the book to read. Much of the research in the book is backed up numbers, charts and statistics so much of it reads like an academic research paper. The book does a great job in explaining the cultural reasons why some baby girls are abandoned and why Chinese families feel that they need a son. The book also explains in depth the One-Child population control policy and how it leads to abandonment. This is definitely a book that I plan to re-read at some point. This is definitely not a fluffy, feel-good adoption book but it does give the reader a better understanding of the reason why we have our daughters.

The Unofficial Guide to Adopting a Child

The Unofficial Guide to Adopting a Child

by Andrea Della Vecchio, MA, M.Ed.

This was the first book that we purchased when we started thinking about adoption. Going into adoption knowing really nothing about it like we did, we really needed a guide to educate us on our options and lead us through the decision process. The book talks about domestic vs. international adoption and discusses the different programs in Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe. There are sections on home studies, choosing an agency, Non-Traditional Families and many other subjects that adoptive families work through with the adoption process. Through this book and other research we obviously decided to adopt from China so this book served us well as an Intro to Adoption 101.

Why can't we adopt a newborn/infant from China?

Not much new adoption stuff going on lately and I just realized that I haven't posted any updates lately so I will answer another question....

Why can't we adopt a newborn/infant from China?

The youngest babies that we have seen at referral seem to be around 5 to 6 months old. Add two months to that to get our travel approval and the youngest she will be is 7 - 8 months. We are on the young side so I expect that we will be referred a younger baby, although there is no guarantee. We requested a 6 - 12 month old or as young as possible. The reason why we can not get a baby any younger has to do with the process China has to go through to consider the babies abandoned and available for adoption. When a baby is abandoned and taken into an orphanage a finding ad is placed in a local newspaper. This is just a picture and a description of the baby and where she was found. This is so the birthparents can re-claim the baby if they wish to. I doubt that this happens very often though as it is illegal to abandon babies. If the baby is not reclaimed within a certain number of months then the baby is considered abandoned and is available to be adopted. The babies are checked over for health issues and paperwork is processed and by this time the baby is about 5 -6 months old.