Big Bird In China

We recently received this DVD as a gift and we were pretty excited about it. Grace was pretty excited too as her new thing seems to be bringing DVDs over to us to to watch. The movie follows Big Bird and Barkley as they travel through China to find the legendary Chinese phoenix. Along their journey they are escorted by a cute little Chinese girl named Xiao Foo who translates for them. They are also helped on their journey by the Monkey King who kind of freaked Grace out. He was a little scary. It was nice to see some of the places we visited on our trip like the Forbidden City and the Great Wall. There are also a couple songs throughout the movie used to teach some simple mandarin phrases.

The DVD is about 75 minutes long which is about an hour longer that Grace's normal attention span for this type of thing but she did stay pretty interested for about a half hour. I think this is definitely a DVD that she will enjoy as she gets older and will be a good tool help us introduce China to her in her younger years.

The original movie was produced in 1983 (which shows in some areas) but won an Emmy for Outstanding Children's Program. The story was actually pretty interesting, I was pretty impressed that it kept my attention as sometimes these Sesame Street productions can be pretty mind numbing for adults. Overall we were pretty impressed with it. Thanks B!

Silent Tears

Silent Tears - A Journey of Hope in a Chinese Orphanage

By Kay Bratt

Our only disappointment regarding our trip to China is that we didn't get the opportunity to visit the orphanage where Grace lived. When I saw a review for Silent Tears I jumped at the opportunity to read about what orphanage life is like for the children. The author's husband needed to travel to China to help set up a new factory for his employer. The author travels with her husband and decides to spend her time volunteering in a local orphanage. There are many books written about orphanages in China but the setting of this book is fairly recent (2003 - 2007). The book's chapters are excerpts from her personal journal with some fiction mixed in where she imagines the situations in which some of the babies could have been abandoned.

The author's first impressions of China are pure culture shock. I was a bit surprised that she had not done a little more research into what to expect. Many adoptive parents have the greatest love and respect for China as it is our daughters' homeland. We play down the negative aspects and play up the positive ones to foster a love for China in our children. The author has no vested interest in China and writes frankly about how she feels about China's people and the conditions she finds in the orphanage. The book has generated a bit of controversy in the Chinese adoption world mostly for the judgement and attitude of the author. Initially she is very critical of many of the methods used by the nannies in the orphanage but as the book progresses she comes to realize that there are good reasons for many of the things she found incomprehensible.

The orphanage that the author volunteers at is one of the poorer orphanages in China. It is understaffed and underfunded. The volunteers are initially met with scepticism and scorn from the nannies. Which is understandable as nobody wants to be watched, judged and told how to do their jobs. Eventually the author and the other volunteers are accepted and are able to improve life greatly for the children in the orphanage. Many of the children in the orphanage have special needs such as spina bifida, heart conditions or cleft palates. Unfortunately with the limited staff and many babies to feed and care for the most vulnerable babies sometimes do die. As with any job there are some nannies who are very good at their jobs and truly care for the babies. Then there are also some nannies who are uncaring at best and abusive at worst. Ultimately the author and her volunteers are able to raise funds for surgery for many of the children and provide them with opportunity for a better life.

I would not say that I enjoyed reading this book but I do think it was a worthwhile read. While I don't doubt the writings of the author I do not believe this orphanage is representative of the conditions in all orphanages. Grace came to us as an almost 20 pound happy 8 month old. She was well fed and obviously well cared for and loved. We will always be thankful to her nannies for that. Hopefully there will be a time in the near future when all children are cared for as well as Grace was.

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew

by Sherrie Eldridge

I started reading this book before we left for China. I brought it with me with plans to read a bit on the plane but I was a little to wired to get through it. Now that we are back and completely settled in I have finally finished the book.

I will first say that this is not a feel good book, it brings up a lot of topics that will be uncomfortable for adoptive parents. It is a fairly controversial book. It tends to be a bit biased and dwells on the negative aspects of adoption. If you read any of the online reviews of the book many adoptees claim to fail to relate to many of the "things" that the book discusses. I guess the rule of thumb when reading it is don't freak out and think that your child is going to have all of these negative feelings about their adoption. But, I want to try to get a balanced perspective on things so I believe that reading about the possible negative aspects of adoption is worthwhile. After all, the book is written by an adoptee whose experiences and feeling can't just be discounted.

Some of the "things" that the book discusses are loss, grief, and fear of abandonment. The book discusses each of these and gives examples of how the adoptee may experience them. The book then goes on to give examples on how parents can support and help their children work through these feelings.

The book seems to focus a bit more on domestic adoption rather than international adoption. Many of the "things" with domestic adoption need to be handled differently for international adoptions. The author was adopted domestically in the 1940s so she is writing from her own experiences. Adoption is dealt with a lot differently/thoughtfully these days so hopefully our children will have an easier time resolving any issues they are feeling.

Overall I felt the book was a worthwhile read. There are sections of the book that can really make you see things from an adoptee's perspective in ways I had not previously considered. The suggestions on "What Parents Can Do" at the end of each chapter is a worthwhile reference for introducing conversations that may uncomfortable for our children to bring up. Even if our daughter never feels any of these "things" I feel better prepared knowing where her feelings may be coming from.

Found In China

We picked up a great DVD last week called Found In China. It is a documentary that follows a group of 9 to 13 year old girls as they travel back to China on homeland heritage tours. The DVD starts with the girls and their families touring the Great Wall and doing other tourist things. The documentary goes on to follow the girls as they visit the orphanages where they spent the first months of their lives. Some of the girls are able to meet their caregivers and others are able to meet the person who found them. Other girls travel to their finding locations. It is very emotional to watch these girls travel back to their beginnings. Jen and I watched the whole video with lumps in our throats.

The video is interspersed with interviews with the girls, their parents, sociologists and adult Korean adoptees. They explore the emotions involved with adoptees figuring out who they are. Also discussed in the documentary is the possibility of our daughters someday finding their birth parents.

We really enjoyed this video and think it will be a good tool to use someday to prepare Grace when we take her on a homeland heritage tour.

Forever Lily - An Unexpected Mother's Journey to Adoption in China

Forever Lily - An Unexpected Mother's Journey to Adoption in China

by Beth Nonte Russel

Forever Lily is the story of a woman who travels to China with a friend who is planning to adopt a baby. When they get to China the baby is younger than what the woman expects and she is failing to bond with the baby so she decides she may not want to adopt the baby. Her friend asks the author if she would be willing to adopt the baby. Her friend really distanced herself from the baby. The author, however, finds herself bonding more and more to her and sees herself parenting the child. This feeling is confirmed when she calls home to tell her husband that her friend may not be bringing home the baby and he instanly says that they will adopt her. Although this is a bad situation that finds a happy ending with Russel and her husband adopting Lily, and ultimately a second daughter from China, it's not much of a feel good book. The author recalls long dream sequences where she sees herself as a Chinese woman from centuries ago who was the mother of this baby in another life. The dream sequences are distracting and not believable. We didn't really care for how she portrayed China, its culture and its people in general. Also, we had a hard time sympathizing with the woman who changed her mind. With all that we have gone through to prepare for our adoption we find her cavalier attitude towards the baby, and adoption itself, unsettling. Of course, nobody would want a woman to parent a child she didn't feel she could. However, we feel she took the seriousness of adoption too lightly.

Oracle Bones - A Journey Through Time In China

Oracle Bones - A Journey Through Time In China

by Peter Hessler

Oracle Bones is Peter Hessler's follow up to River Town where he writes about his time in the Peace Corps teaching English at a college in China. Oracle Bones follows some of the author's students and friends as they try to make their way in the fast changing China of today. There is also the story of an Uighur (Chinese ethnic minority) friend of his that emigrated to the United States right before the September 11th bombings. The book jumps back and forth between these stories and those of the archeologists who studied the Oracle Bones. Oracle Bones are ancient animal bones or turtle shells that were heated until they cracked and the cracks were used to tell the future. It is thought that the writing from these cracks is the oldest written Chinese language. Sadly, many of these artifacts were destroyed during the cultural revolution. If you read River Town the book may seem a bit repetitive as the author recycles some of the stories from his first book. I did enjoy the book but not as much as River Town, Oracle Bones is a bit more fragmented and doesn't really have much of a flow to it. I am sure there many connectiions and parallels that can be made comparing the past and future in the book but most of it wasn't too obvious to me. I am looking forward to Jen reading the book. With her being an English major she may pick up on more than I did.

China Ghosts - My Daughter's Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood

China Ghosts - My Daughter's Journey to America, My Passage to Fatherhood

by Jeff Gammage

In China Ghosts the author tells the story of how he became a father to a daughter from China from three distinct perspectives. The first part, as he and his wife paperchase for their daughter, describes how he was initially very happy living a childless life. He saw no need to give up his freedom and take on the responsibility of a child. But to appease his wife he agrees to adopt a baby girl from China. His perception changes drastically once he receives his referral picture and travels to China to finally meet his daughter. The second perspective is when the author begins to bond with his daughter and finds a part of himself that he didn't know existed. He finds himself a changed man, not just that his life has changed now that he is a father but a profound love that has changed his very soul. The third and probably most interesting part of the book is when the author explores some of his conflicting feelings about his daughter's adoption. He is very grateful for the gift that China has given him but at the same time realized that the adoption of his daughter has caused great pain for his daughter's birth family and ultimately for his daughter who most likely will never have the chance to meet them. Most books about adoption from China are written by women so it was nice to read something from a male point of view for a change. I would definitely recommend reading this book, it is very well written and a pretty easy read.

Wild Swans

Wild Swans

by Jung Chang

In Wild Swans, Chang tells the autobiographical story of three generations of Chinese women, her Grandmother, a warlord's concubine, her mother, a high level communist official and herself and their struggles throughout the 20th century. The story focuses mostly on Chang's family struggle and persecutions throughout the cultural revolution where, prior to, her parents held powerful positions. Through Chairman Mao's policies this powerful family suffered greatly so it is unimaginable how much peasants must have suffered at this time. Through the book the author tries to tow the communist party line but slowly begins to realize that it is her own government that is causing the suffering that she has seen and and has endured. Toward the end of the book, after Mao's death, the government starts to open up a bit and the author leaves China to attend university in England where she she still resides and is currently the director of Chinese studies at London University. This book is not really an easy read but it really gives you a sense of the struggles that even this politically connected family endured during the very recent past. Makes you really feel for what the peasants had to deal with during this time.

River Town

River Town

by Peter Hessler

River town is the story of a Peace Corps volunteer, Peter Hessler, who travels to Fuling China to teach English in a local college. Peter is the first Westerner to live in Fuling in over 50 years. He is met with much curiosity in his travels around town while getting to know the local customs and culture. In time though he is able to immerse himself in the town and becomes good friends with some locals and many of his students. Much of the book centers around his classes and interactions with his students as well as his interactions with locals in Fuling and other cites he travels to during his time off. This book is a pretty easy read, Peter has good writing style and injects quite a bit of humor into some of the uncomfortable situations he gets himself into. One of the more interesting aspects of the book is the difference in Chinese and Western teaching styles. As Peter tries to nurture his students and get them to think for themselves and question common Chinese beliefs his Chinese tutor shows him the Chinese way of teaching by giving him a stern 'Budui' (wrong) whenever he mispronounces a word. It is a great study on many of the differences of Western and Chinese culture. The author has written another book on China called "Oracle Bones" which is on our "To Read" list.

Will The Boat Sink The Water?

Will The Boat Sink The Water?

by Chen Guidi and Wu Chuntao

We bought this book as light reading for our last trip to Jamaica, it wasn't so light. The book is written by two Chinese journalists and has been translated into English, the translation is good but the subject matter is pretty heavy. The book was banned in China but is said to have sold 10 million copies on the black market. The authors travel throughout their home province of Anhui to see how the peasants are fairing through China's recent newfound prosperity. What they find isn't good. The book tells through a series of stories how various peasants feel that they are being treated unjustly mostly due to over taxation and try to go up the local government chain of command to get their issues resolved. They are met with jail time, beatings and even death. To be honest, I did not enjoy reading this book, although I think it does show some of the hardships that Chinese peasants must deal with on a daily basis and shows haw far China has yet to come to become a truly modern society.

The Good Earth

The Good Earth

by Pearl S. Buck

"The Good Earth" tells the story of a peasant farmer and his family living in China in the early 1900s. The story begins as the main character, Wang Lung is about to get married to a servant named O-Lan working for the local landlord. The young married couple are very poor but through hard work they are able to acquire some land and become relatively prosperous. They have a few children and life soon gets difficult when famine hits. The family most go south to find food and work. They find themselves begging and doing menial jobs to just scrape by. The country is embroiled in a revolution at the time as well so Wang must be careful not to get caught and forced to fight in the military. The family gets caught up in an uprising of local peasants who loot a rich family's home. They find coins and jewels and are able to get back home to their land. With their looted coins and jewels they are able to buy more land and eventually buy the house where O-Lan worked as a servant. Toward the end of the story Wang Lung is so prosperous that he no longer has to work his farm and lives the life of a rich man. He takes some concubines which causes problems with his wife and children. It is sad to read throughout the book how O-Lan is treated but I think it is probably pretty realistic to how women were treated at this time. This book was written in the 1930s but we really enjoyed it. It won a Pulitzer prize and recently was rediscovered by many on Oprah's book club. The book was also made into a movie in 1937. Due to the lack of Chinese actors at the time the main characters were cast as Americans but it was still pretty good. The author of the book, Pearl S. Buck grew up in China but went to college in the United States. Interestingly, she founded the first international interracial adoption clinic in the United States. The book was re-released in 1935 as a trilogy called the House of Earth. The two sequels are called Sons and A House Divided. I have yet to read them but they are on my "to read" list.

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems

by Richard Ferber, M.D.

I think I first heard about "Ferberizing" a child in the movie "Meet the Fockers" where they sort of exaggerate the methodology with DeNiro's character. The basis of this methodology is to allow the child to teach herself to fall to sleep without the help of the parents. This involves letting the child cry a little longer every night until she can sleep through the night without any intervention of the parents. For us, we will be trying to create attachment and a bond with Grace so the Ferber method is contrary to attachment parenting. We cannot let just let Grace cry as this would not foster her trust in us. With that being said, I think once we feel Grace has formed an attachment we may be able to use some of his approach as we see fit. Some parts of the book are a bit dry when he discusses the stages of sleep. There are some good sections on night terrors (what they are and how to handle them). Overall, I thought the book had some good information. I probably will need to reread sections of the book when we have Grace home and are actually dealing with sleep problems.

Are Those Kids Yours?

Are Those Kids Yours?

by Cheri Register

Apparently, "Are Those Kids Yours" is a question many parents with children adopted from other countries hear when out with their children. The answer of course is a simple "Yes". But that question says a lot about how families created through international adoption are perceived in our society. The book was written by a mother of two children adopted from Korea. In the book she examines the ethical issues surrounding international adoption and the importance of teaching them about the heritage and culture of their birth country. She uses experiences she encountered raising her children to illustrate some of the joys and and challenges families formed through international adoption will face.

The Waiting Child

The Waiting Child

by Cindy Champnella

A friend of Jen's mom sent us this book after learning that we were in the process of adopting from China. This is a really amazing story of a family that adopts a four year old girl named Jaclyn. From the moment Jaclyn learns to communicate with her new family she begins to lobby them to get "her baby". Her Baby was a younger little boy back in her orphanage who she protected and took care of. I won't ruin the ending but will say it is a really sweet story that shows the unbelievable spirit of little Jaclyn.

Attaching in Adoption

Attaching in Adoption

by Deborah D. Gray

One of the big concerns with children adopted from orphanages is proper attachment and bonding. Babies raised in an orphanage will not always have a mother at her beck and call to meet her needs and build a loving, trusting relationship. This book explores the challenges that adoptive parents must work through in order to create that secure bond and attachment with an adopted child. The book explores in detail what attachment is and why it is important. Techniques are provided to help parents facilitate attachment and bonding with an adopted child. The book also covers some scary topics that we hopefully won't encounter such as Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Reactive Attachment Disorder. Each topic covered book is interspersed with scenarios to illustrate potential attachment issues and provide suggested solutions. I have heard many adoptive parents say that if you read one book on adoption this should be the one you read.

The Lost Daughters Of China

The Lost Daughters Of China

by Karin Evans

This was one of our favorite books we have read during the adoption process. Another must read for all Chinese adoptive parents. The book is very well written, almost poetic at times. This is one of the more "feel good" books that we read. The author tells her and her husband's story of adopting from China from the paper chase to coming home with her daughter. She intersperses the story with narratives of Chinese history and culture. She also tries to convey within the book what circumstances could lead a mother to abandon her child. This is something hard for us to understand but a reality for many living in China. Since this is one of the first books that we purchased it has been almost 2 years since we read this book. Definitely another book that we will re-read at some point.

A Passage to the Heart - Writings from Families with Children from China

A Passage to the Heart - Writings from Families with Children from China

edited by Amy Katzkin

This book is a series of essays written by members of Families with Children from China. The stories discuss the joys and challenges of adopting a child from China. Sections include the Wait (we could write a whole book on that topic), Settling In, Development, Race and Identity. This book definitely has a more feel-good vibe to it but some of the articles will be a bit of a tear jerker. Definitely another must read for parents adopting from China.

Wanting A Daughter, Needing A Son - Abandonment, Adoption and Orphanage Care in China

Wanting A Daughter, Needing A Son - Abandonment, Adoption and Orphanage Care in China

by Kay Ann Johnson and Amy Klatzkin

This book is a must read for parents adopting a child from China. This is not an easy read, it is really a series of research papers written by a College Professor and an editor of books on Chinese Studies who both also happen to be mothers of girls adopted from China. Since the book is a collection of research papers written over a period of time there is a bit of repetition but you do get a good sense of how adoption in China has changed over the years. But as I mentioned it is a tough read, most of the book has footnotes throughout which you need to flip to the back of the book to read. Much of the research in the book is backed up numbers, charts and statistics so much of it reads like an academic research paper. The book does a great job in explaining the cultural reasons why some baby girls are abandoned and why Chinese families feel that they need a son. The book also explains in depth the One-Child population control policy and how it leads to abandonment. This is definitely a book that I plan to re-read at some point. This is definitely not a fluffy, feel-good adoption book but it does give the reader a better understanding of the reason why we have our daughters.

The Unofficial Guide to Adopting a Child

The Unofficial Guide to Adopting a Child

by Andrea Della Vecchio, MA, M.Ed.

This was the first book that we purchased when we started thinking about adoption. Going into adoption knowing really nothing about it like we did, we really needed a guide to educate us on our options and lead us through the decision process. The book talks about domestic vs. international adoption and discusses the different programs in Asia, Latin America and Eastern Europe. There are sections on home studies, choosing an agency, Non-Traditional Families and many other subjects that adoptive families work through with the adoption process. Through this book and other research we obviously decided to adopt from China so this book served us well as an Intro to Adoption 101.

China's Lost Girls

We watched a great DVD lat night called China's Lost Girls. It is a National Geographic special/documentary hosted by Lisa Ling from the View. Lisa travels to China with a group of parents who are adopting little girls. It is very well done and digs in to some of the issues that China is currently facing and will be facing in the coming years due to their population control laws (one-child policy). One of the families is adopting a sister (a mei-mei) for their daughter that they adopted a few years before. The mother travels to the park where her first daughter was found and pins up a poster with her picture and a note that says that she has been adopted and is healthy and happily living in the United States. Oftentimes when a mother abandons her daughter she will stay around the area to make sure that her daughter is found safely. After the poster was pinned up many people gathered around, a young Chinese man who spoke English told the adoptive mother that he felt disgraced by the fact that so many babies are abandoned. He also felt concerned that when she grows up her daughter would not feel any pride for China because they abandoned her. The mother reassured the Chinese man that they were doing all they could to keep close ties between their daughter and her Chinese heritage. It was an interesting dialogue between the two of them and goes to show that the Chinese people feel embarrassed by the effects of the population control policy. Another scene in the movie that stands out was one where the families travel back to the orphanage where the babies lived for the first year of their life. One on the caretakers was crying because the adoptive mother did not take the baby back to the orphanage with her. The mother was concerned that it would be too confusing for the baby. The caretaker was hoping to see the baby one last time before she left to say goodbye. She was very upset but it showed that these babies are taken care of and loved and do form bonds with their caretakers.